(Thanks to long-time BSMW member Div for capturing this.)

Set the wayback machine to December, 1985….

….they have locations at Downtown Crossing and the Meadow Glen Mall. So, when you’re looking to put fashion first, go to Tello’s. You’ll look the part.

MF: OK, we’re back Tony, and it’s time to get to last night’s debacle.

TM:I couldn’t believe my eyes Mike.

MF: If you’ve been living in a cave, YOUR Boston Celtics last night took the gaspipe on the parquet to the Portland Trailblazers….yeah, you’re hearing me right….a mediocre Portland team walked into the Boston Garden and annihilated them.

TM: It is very concerning Mike.

MF: And all of you pom-pom wavers can’t blame this one on Larry Bird’s back…he played most of the game…at least until it was clear they had been blown out.

TM: They just sucked Mike.

MF: Really bad night for the confetti mafia…let’s go to the phones. Steve from Fall River..what do you got?

Yeah, thanks Felgie. Coupla points. You know, they drafted this kid Sam Vincent. I saw a game last year when he was on Michigan where he scored 31 points. He was unstoppable. Why don’t they put him in as the starter when you can tell DJ doesn’t have it. I mean, with DJ, you know right away when he’s on and he just wasn’t on last night. Of course, KC Jones would rather be playing piano than coaching the team. Why can’t we see what this kid Vincent has got?

MF: Thanksforthecall Steve. Well, I think that’s obvious Tony. First of all, you and I both know that DJ wouldn’t like that.

TM: Oh no, Mike…that’s for sure.

MF: We keep hearing about how Dennis is a changed man, Dennis is a good teammate…but if they tried anything like that, we’d see “West Coast Dennis” faster than Clyde Drexler running down the parquet last night.

TM: We all know that’s what would happen but Celtics’ fans think that the Green grows on trees Mike.

MF: And as far as Sam Vincent goes Tony, he was a GREAT college player.

TM: I never saw him play Mike.

MF: Me neither Tony, but he averaged over 20 points last year. This year he’s averaging 2!

TM: They can’t develop young players Mike. Greg Kite, Darren Tillis, Michael Young.  A bunch of no-name stiffs Mike.

MF: They’re the worst team in the NBA at drafting and developing players and it isn’t even close Tony. How are YOU going to keep up with the Lakers if they find a key player in the draft every year while YOU brick every pick YOU make?

TM: They’ve lost ground Mike. It’s OK to admit it.

MF: John in Wakefield –what do you have for us?

Hi Felgie – love the show. Boy, that loss last night was pathetic. They looked old and slow. Parish especially…how many years to think he has left? I’m just concerned with Walton’s injury history and Parish’s age that they’re going to get rolled over by Kareem in the finals.

MF: John – thanksforthecall. There’s another guy Tony. Robert Parish. I mean, he clearly doesn’t want to be here.

TM:The next time he smiles will be the first time all season Mike.

MF: What you need to understand about Robert Parish is that he is a mercenary. He plays basketball as a career, but he’s not someone that truly loves the game. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was his last year Tony. He’s not a guy that will be playing into his 40’s.

TM:You’re absolutely right Mike. And then you have a crippled Bill Walton and Greg Kite as your center, and Greg Kite sucks!

MF: 90SecondsAndASportsFlash….Beetle?

Thanks Mike. The Red Sox finally dumped Mark Clear today in a trade with the Milwaukee Brewers for backup journeyman shortstop Ed Romero. Steve Kasper will be out for 7-10 days with an injured knee. The surprising 10-4 New England Patriots are getting ready for their biggest game in decades against the Miami Dolphins on Monday night in Miami. I’m Beetle Bertrand, and that’s a flash.

TM:The Patriots, oh please. They’re going to get killed.

MF: They haven’t won in Miami in what – a quarter century Tony?

TM:And it’s a Monday night game! They never win on Monday night! Heck, they’re lucky to be playing on Monday night. That game will be a reality check against a real team with a real coach Mike.

MF: I agree. Let’s go to Greg in Natick – Greg, what’s happening?

Nothing Mike…just wanted to talk a little bit more about the Celtics. They got exposed last night by a team full of ath-a-letes. They don’t have any athletes on the team. As the season goes on, this inevitably is going to happen more as this young, athletic teams run circles around them. This kid Jordan on Chicago seems like the kind of guy they could use; any chance Chicago would take Wedman and Sichting for him?

MF: Thanskforthecall Greg. Tony – have you seen this kid Jordan play?

TM: No Mike – I’ve never heard of him. Is he new?

MF: Yes, Chicago drafted him a few years ago and he’s really coming into his own. He had 41 points a few nights ago against Indiana, and if the season ended today, we’d be playing Chicago in a 5 game series.

TM: Anything can happen in a 5 game series Mike.

MF: Don’t tell that to the parade planning, decked in green, footie pajama wearing Celtic fans Tony. They think they’re unstoppable. They’re going to pretend like last night didn’t happen.

TM:They didn’t get the right guys in the offseason Mike. I mean, Wedman, Sichting, Walton – they look like us!

MF: Tony, I had a guy confuse you and Sichting a few days ago. No offense, but when you can’t tell the difference between a professional basketball player and you, that can’t be good.

TM: You’re absolutely right Mike.

MF: We’llberightbackafterthiswordfromSomervilleLumber.

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32 thoughts on “Wayback Machine: Felger and Mazz Talk the ’86 Celtics

  1. Great to see so you using so much of your time in such a positive manner. Another day, another bitchfest. Amazing how everyone on here can do this day in and day out. Would think it would get tedious after a while. For the record, Felger has been consistent about the meaningless of the NBA and NHL regular seasons, but that doesn’t fit your argument.

    1. Couldn’t agree more – day in, day out, another bitchfest that gets tedious after a while.

      Wait… you aren’t talking about Felger and Mazz?

      1. Amazing how constant criticism of professional teams by the media somehow isn’t a waste of time – in fact it’s a noble public service – but criticism of how the media does their job is a total waste.

        1. The media and comedians are notoriously sensitive and the least likey to critique or laugh at themselves.

    2. “Fit your argument”???

      You’ve got to be joking. C’mon!

      It’s a spoof. A parody.

      Felger and Mazz would bitch and moan about the best team in NBA history because that’s what they do. It’s a disingenuous minstrel show that has guys like you captivated and eager to join up to support the fight. It’s an embarrassment, but fight on on behalf of a radio show. That’s a great “positive” investment of time.

      1. The Celtics shouldve won 77 instead of 67. And guys like them would of made a mountain out of a mole hill for losing ONE game at home all season. Oh god and can you imagine the false hysteria that guys like Tanguay would’ve stirred up because the underdog Rockets took the might Celtics to 6 games in the finals?! #panic

      2. And Felger and Mazz will likely live for another 10+ years….I can’t stand Mazz…Used to like him on the Baseball Reporters, but even that sucks. Felger amuses me. 50% of what he says makes sense, 40% I disagree, and 10% make me laugh. Entertaining. Hate how he blows off callers, hate how he has agenda against the Celtics or Sox ownership (both of which can be debated), but I look for entertainment when I am on the road. Frankly, I generally listen to the new Big Show, but I digress. Just amazes me to see the group of you sit around a campfire and bitch and cry over the coverage of your teams (three of which are wide open to critique), every single day (less so written), but because of talk radio. Many on here claim to not listen, but can recite exact quotes. The old Howard Stern theory is totally dead on. I do have an issue with people disagreements over sports topics resorting to personal attacks on the individuals who made them (or wrote them). These people, like it or not, have earned their way to their positions through petty sums in Small Town USA. Most are married with young children. Because you don’t agree with the “Sports Takes” of Mike Mutnansky, Gary Tanguay, Adam Jones, etc means its ok to demonize them or take personal shots at their character on a public forum seems a bit over the top. I would like to know….Who is a good sports radio host? Everyone sucks! Try PFW in Progress…very entertaining, but Perillo and Hart are probably too negative even though they refer to the Pats as “We” and “Us”.

        1. There are eight shows on the four time slots of the two stations:

          6-10: T&R–Too juvenile…don’t know enough sports…tired bits.
          D&C:–Old and grumpy with thin skin….Don’t always stick to sports…political agendas…racial undertones….Go off topic. Bomastic

          10-2: G&Z–Bombastic. Juvenile. G thinks he is Vince Lombardi because he played at URI. Z thinks he is still in the locker room with his jokes and comments. Know little of other sports. Have Shaughnessy as weekly guest.

          MFB: Benz is outsider. Fauria doesn’t shutup. Benz is Steeler fan and hates the Pats. Merloni says Damn too much and is thin skinned. Merloni would give players perspective enough….Trio doesn’t know enough about other sports.

          2-4: F&M–Mazz says everything sucks…Felger creates Strawman arguments. Celebrity callers,…Felger screens calls, Always looking at negative, no love for Celtics or college sports.

          D&H–Dale is milquetoast, Holley should be canned, Thornton is useless, Belichick interview useless, Dale in bag for Bruins, Thornton too in the bag for Pats, but he’s a comedian, so who cares…In bed with Red Sox…

          Who do you want???

    3. This is obviously a member of the Boston sports media. There’s no way a regular Joe would take offense at what is posted on here. It’s got to be one of the real losers, though. A Mutnansky or Tanguay type. Go to be. Right?!

  2. 1986 Felger and Mazz after Pats clinch Super Bowl birth.
    Mazz: Mike! If the Patriots don’t finish this off with a Super Bowl win then it’s a FAILURE! SORRY! But if any Patriots fan is just happy with making it to the super bowl then WHAT’S THE POINT! You got your head in the sand!
    Felger: It’s pathetic. Everyone around here seems content on just sneaking in as a wild card and upsetting the dolphins down in Miami to win the AFC championship. Wee!!! That does nothing for me! and I don’t know how any real fans can be satisfied with just making it there.( Mazz:You’re right Mike) I know the Bears have the greatest defense ever but they did lose a game to the dolphins the team you just destoyed so anything less is a failure! Mazz: You’re right Mike!!

  3. What is this obsession Bedard has with pushing the Rex Ryan should go to the Broncos to beat the Patriots story line? Does he have a real source floating this or is he just trying waaaay to hard to be interesting for the sake of keeping his gig on F&M?

    1. The media loves them some Rex. He makes their jobs easier to do. Just push play on the tape recorders and cameras, and let Rex’s mouth do all the work. That’s why so many of them were blaming just about everyone else for the Jets’ four-year decline since 2010. Rex had to be the most lauded 4-12 coach in NFL history over the past three months. Great defensive mind, for sure, but the head coach has to coach the ENTIRE team, not just one part of it. Rex is, in many ways, a less-jerky version of his father, who literally hated offense and actually encouraged his defensive players to take cheap shots at the offensive guys in practice. Heck, Buddy even punched Kevin Gilbride on the sidelines when he was the DC at Houston. Rex, to his credit, at least wasn’t as bad as his father.

      1. Good point. That is why Dikta was the head coach of the Bears and not Ryan. Ryan coaching that Bears team wouldve been 11-5 instead of 15-1 in 1985. Just look at his run in Philly and see a great defensive team that kept falling short because no one was properly managing the offense and in particular Cunningham. That team should’ve gotten one Championship.

  4. Larry Bird never would’ve survived in Boston had the media been like it is now. The boozing, fights with teammates and a not seeing his little girl ever. He would’ve been pillard and he would’ve demanded a trade to Indiana or he would’ve just out right quit. He did it before in college and he would’ve done it again. Larry wouldn’t have put up with this.

    1. In this current age of Twitter, the internet, and the 24/7 cable sports news cycle, can you imagine the kerfuffle over the “he’d just be another good guy if he were white” comments by Rodman, which were echoed, clumsily, by Isaiah, after Game 7 of the 1987 East Finals? It was a big deal even back then. I can’t imagine how something like that would be treated by today’s “social” media.

      1. Duh, the quote from Rodman was “if he were black,” not if he were “white.” Bird, as far as I know, is a white guy…LOL. My bad.

  5. Bruce. What you’ve done here lately with the Felger and Mazz prediction games has been the best thing ever on here. The fact that you’re actually getting some push back from some outside sources tells me that you really hit a nerve with someone on THAT show. Very funny how something just lighthearted as this has some people coming here to defend them. Must be scarey for them to have the realization that they are predictable to the tee.

  6. Great parody. The funny thing is that the C’s suffered an even WORSE loss than the home game against Portfland that month, December 1985, on Christmas Day at the Knicks. They blew a 25-point lead and lost in Double OT. They were something like 21-7 going into the New Year, but they had been inconsistent. By the end of January, however, they were a remorseless killing machine, rolling over everyone in their path (including two epic regular season beatdowns of the Lakers, when Walton came off the bench and destroyed Kareem, each time). Also, Portland really did give them trouble that year. In the rematch in Portland in February, Bird had to tie up the game with a buzzer-beater in regulation, and then win it with a buzzer-beater in OT. The Trailblazers actually gave the C’s more trouble than anyone that year — goes to show just how much basketball can be a game of “matchups” sometimes. Those Portand teams were always crushed in the post-season by a similarly-constructed Lakers team, but against a “physical”, more halfcourt-oriented team like the C’s, they always hung in there quite well.

  7. This was really funny, Bruce. I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks for posting. @ Tony C. That Knick loss was on Christmas Day. A former girlfriend was in town and she wanted to get amorous. I was like, “Honey! Wait a second! I gotta see his game!” And that was the end of that relationship. But we’ll always have Larry.

  8. Folks, my advice, for what it’s worth, is as such: simply don’t respond to the troll. It is attention starved. If we let it starve, it will die. Debunking and/or otherwise responding to it’s nonsensical posts will only provide it with what it wants.

  9. This had me at the very beginning with the ‘ad copy’ that sports media hacks live and die for. “If I just read this ad copy convincingly, it might mean NEW SPINNERS for my HUMMER…Ka-CHING!!!”

  10. I can’t wait to read the transcript from F&M show discussing the 1969 Boston Bruins led by the Bobby Orr and Sanderson. …. mike they have too many females hanging around them every night. They don’t take winning seriously. Mike they could play better if they had hair cuts they look like hippies…….

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