BSMW has been only sporadically updated for some time now. As I find less and less of the on-air sports media to be even remotely palatable, it is difficult for me to find the desire to write much about it.
Welcome to our annually updated column reviewing how every Super Bowl champion during the Patriots’ run has needed some good fortune along the way. After New England’s stunning comeback on February 5, we might have to rename the column to “With A Little Bit Of – HOLY HABANEROS THEY DID IT!”
Did the Patriots get lucky in Super Bowl 51? Well, if you’re going to mount a 25-point comeback midway through the third quarter, you definitely need some compliance from the other side (more on that below).
Of the 16 Super Bowls listed here, eight were decided by four points or less, and that’s not including New England’s six-point overtime win. For a look at how every team – no matter how deserving or how talented overall – needed the ball to bounce its way, see our list of fortunate moments, starting with a snowy night in January 2002. (Note: each Super Bowl year is listed when played, meaning each team played their regular season the year before. If you don’t like it, switch to baseball, I guess?)
2002 Super Bowl: New England 20, St. Louis 17
Most Fortunate Moment: Has to be the Tuck Rule, right? An obscure, now-abolished rule – albeit one with which Patriots fans had become familiar in 2001 after their Week Two game against the Jets – was implemented to overturn an apparent Tom Brady fumble, thus prolonging a drive and allowing Adam Vinatieri to kick the football into the maw of a blizzard for the greatest field goal in playoff history.
Hey, Raiders fans? That was 15 years ago. George W. Bush had been in office for about a year. Usher’s “U Got It Bad” was the number-one song. Friendster was a thing. Maybe time to move on, is all I’m saying.
Honorable Mention: Pittsburgh’s special teams implosion in the AFC Championship game, allowing two TDs (punt return and blocked kick return); having Drew Bledsoe as a bench QB after Brady hurt his ankle in the first half of that game; the Super Bowl refs adapting a “let ’em play” attitude, with Pats DBs getting more hands on more Rams than a Dodge Touch A Truck contest.
2003 Super Bowl: Tampa Bay 48, Oakland 21
Most Fortunate Moment: Coach Jon Gruden got to play his previous team in the Super Bowl, which proved beneficial when new Oakland head coach Bill Callahan failed to make significant changes to the offense. Talk about an in-depth scouting report. Seriously, Raiders fans should stop fretting over the Tuck Rule and wonder why on earth, after actually making the Super Bowl, their coach neglected to put in four or five dummy calls from the line of scrimmage. In terms of planning, this compares only slightly favorably to the charge at Gallipoli.
Honorable Mention: Oakland’s starting center Barret Robbins did not show up to practice Super Bowl week (he was barred from playing and later diagnosed with manic depression).
2004 Super Bowl: New England 32, Carolina 29
Most Fortunate Moment: After Carolina tied it at 29, John Kasay’s kickoff sailed out-of-bounds, giving New England possession at their own 40 with 1:08 left. Vinatieri booted the game-winner with four seconds remaining.
Honorable Mention: Panthers coach John Fox went for two 2-point conversions in the fourth quarter and failed; in the divisional playoffs, normally sure-handed Titans receiver Drew Bennett dropped a pass that would have gotten Tennessee into field goal position to tie it; in the AFC Championship vs. Peyton Manning and the Colts, the refs allowed the Pats’ defensive backs to play with the type of aggression that would get penalized today; plus, snow fell in Foxboro, an anathema to most dome teams.
2005 Super Bowl: New England 24, Philadelphia 21
Most Fortunate Moment: The failure of the Eagles to assist shaken QB Donovan McNabb. Down by 10, Philly failed to hurry on offense, in part because McNabb was having trouble breathing after getting hit by Tedy Bruschi. (You can read a more in-depth story on that here.)
Honorable Mention: Optimum health at the optimum time. As they had in 2003, many New England starters missed games due to injury, but most came back in time for the playoffs. Once again, Khione (the goddess of snow) smiled upon Foxboro vs. the Colts.
Overall, it’s tough to associate pure luck with this team: one of the best of the decade and certainly one of the strongest, deepest squads in Patriots history.
2006 Super Bowl: Pittsburgh 21, Seattle 10
Most Fortunate Moment: Not having to face the Patriots in the playoffs. (This isn’t pure homerism: New England had escorted Pittsburgh back to Steeltown twice in four years.)
Honorable Mention: Some close officiating in the big game. This is not to say that Pittsburgh didn’t deserve to win (they appeared to be the better squad), but had some of those close calls gone the other way, Seattle would have been the lucky ones. In the divisional playoffs at Indianapolis, Jerome Bettis fumbled on the Colts’ two-yard line, potentially paving the way for glory for Nick Harper on the fumble return, but Roethlisberger made a diving, spinning tackle at Indy’s 42; Colts kicker/anti-hero Mike Vanderjagt missed a potential game-tying 47-yard field goal.
2007 Super Bowl: Indianapolis 29, Chicago 17
Most Fortunate Moment: Whatever switch went off in Peyton Manning’s head in the AFC Championship that had him looking for drive-sustaining first downs instead of long passes. The Patriots defense had to stay on the field forever and couldn’t protect their halftime lead.
Honorable Mention: The Patriots defense was also suffering from the flu, wearing them down further; NE receiver Reche Caldwell dropped an easy pass that would have at least led to a clock-killing first down; cornerback Ellis Hobbs got a questionable pass interference call in the end zone that led to a Colts score; Indy got to play Rex Grossman in the Super Bowl.
2008 Super Bowl: New York 17, New England 14
Most Fortunate Moment: We think we know what most fans would say, but we’ll point to the NFC Championship, specifically Brett Favre and his ill-advised pass-punt in overtime. This easy interception led to the Giants’ game-winning field goal. Few New England fans doubt that the Pats would have cruised past the Packers.
Honorable Mention: The Helmet Catch, of course; Eli Manning fumbled twice in the Super Bowl but lost neither; Patriots cornerback Asante Samuel failed to secure what could have been the game-sealing interception on New York’s final drive.
2009 Super Bowl: Pittsburgh 27, Arizona 23
Most Fortunate Moment: While Steelers defender James Harrison returned an interception 100 yards for a touchdown, he got unintentional help from Cardinal Antrel Rolle who – stepping onto the edge of the field for a closer look – bumped into receiver Larry Fitzgerald, preventing Fitzgerald from making the tackle in time. (Keep an eye on number 11 running along the sideline in this clip.)
Honorable Mention: Roethlisberger bounced back from a concussion suffered during the final week of the regular season to beat the Chargers in the divisional round (um, maybe “bounced back” is the wrong phrase to use when discussing concussions); in the AFC Championship, the QB fumbled twice but lost neither in a 24-19 win over the Jets.
2010 Super Bowl Winner: New Orleans 31, Indianapolis 17
Most Fortunate Moment: On a potential game-tying drive, Colts receiver Reggie Wayne came up short on his route, allowing Tracy Porter to cut in front of him for a pick-six.
Honorable Mention: During their on-sides kick – a gamble akin to betting on the Patriots at halftime in SB 51 – Indy receiver Hank Baskett had the ball bounce off of him, giving the Saints possession to open the second half.
2011 Super Bowl: Green Bay 31, Pittsburgh 25
Most Fortunate Moment: I wrote this last year, and I have to say again, honest to God, I remember nothing about these playoffs. Apparently the Chicago Bears were down to their third-string QB (Caleb Hanie) in the NFC Championship game; Hanie threw an interception directly at Packers defensive lineman B. J. Raji, which seems like trying to throw a crumpled-up piece of paper into a wastebasket and not realizing there’s a door in front of it.
Honorable Mention: Um, I dunno … health? Seriously, I got nothing. Did these playoffs happen?
2012 Super Bowl: New York 21, New England 17
Most Fortunate Moment: An injury to regular San Francisco punt returner Ted Ginn, Jr. put Kyle Williams into the spotlight for the NFC Championship. That worked out great for New York, as Williams muffed one return and fumbled the other, respectively leading to a regulation TD and the game-winning field goal in overtime for a 20-17 win.
Honorable Mention: Gronkowski getting hurt during the AFC Championship, making him less than 100 percent for the Super Bowl; New York fumbling three times in the big game and – again – losing nary a one.
2013 Super Bowl: Baltimore 34, San Francisco 31
Most Fortunate Moment: In the divisional playoff, Denver safety Rahim Moore got lost on Joe Flacco’s 70-yard pass, allowing the tying touchdown with 31 seconds left to play. Baltimore won in OT.
Honorable Mention: Gronkowski’s absence from the AFC Championship game; Patriots cornerback Aqib Talib’s injury during that game opening up the passing lanes for Flacco; in the Super Bowl, terrible play-calling for the 49ers on their potential game-winning drive; on that drive, the refs allowed contact on a potential pass interference penalty in the end zone. (Something that probably would get the call this year.)
2014 Super Bowl: Seattle 43, Denver 8
Most Fortunate Moment: On the first snap of the game, Denver center Manny Ramirez shotgunned the football past Peyton Manning into the end zone for a what-the-heck-just-happened safety. Seattle’s D had a huge game, but didn’t have to lift a finger to get the lead. The Broncos’ lack of preparedness for the Seahawks’ 12th man set the tone for the night.
Honorable Mention: In the NFC title game, on a fourth-and-seven play, Niners defensive end Aldon Smith went offside, giving QB Russell Wilson a freebie (as he told in this game story); Jermaine Kearse snatched Wilson’s pass in the end zone, giving Seattle a 20-17 lead on their way to a 23-17 win.
2015 Super Bowl: New England 28, Seattle 24
Most Fortunate Moment: Not to be contrarian, but I just don’t think the play call was the worst in Super Bowl history. However, the Seahawks’ decision to pass from the one-yard line gave rookie Patriots defensive back (and budding star) Malcolm Butler the chance to intercept the ball and seal the game. Whether fortunate or diligent, as we saw in the “Do Your Job” program, the Patriots had planned for that exact play in the previous week’s practice.
Honorable Mention: After dealing with key injuries in previous playoffs, the Patriots finally got to compete with a mostly healthy roster, as Gronkowski, Julian Edelman, Vince Wilfork and a full O-line contributed; Cornerbacks Darrelle Revis and Brandon Browner signed with New England and re-shaped the defense. (For a year, at least. A remarkable year.)
Reviewing their final two playoff games, the Seahawks seemed destined to win. From Green Bay’s inexplicable breakdown in the NFC Championship to Tom Brady’s first interception (Not. Good.) to what is now deemed The Kearse Catch, Seattle looked like SB repeaters for sure.
The Pats just needed a break. And they got it.
2016 Super Bowl: Denver 24, Carolina 10
Most Fortunate Moment: Stephen Gostkowski’s missed extra-point kick in the American Conference Championship. I know, Denver deserves credit for a great defensive effort throughout the playoffs. Still, if you consider that Brady got beaten more than the “it” in a Michael Jackson song, yet still managed to bring the Patriots down the field for a touchdown in the final minute, we all have to agree that overtime would have been awfully interesting.
Honorable Mention: General good health throughout the year, plus a backup QB in Brock Osweiler who played well. Also (and I’m not sure where this lies in terms of luck), but it’s amazing that in the Super Bowl Peyton Manning converted only one of 14 third down attempts (a whopping seven percent). Lucky to have such a great defense, I guess?
2017 Super Bowl: New England 34, Atlanta 28
Most Fortunate Moment: Sticking with the idea of luck as something you do not control, I’m going with Atlanta calling a pass on second down from New England’s 23-yard line with under four minutes left and a 28-20 lead. (And something tells me more than a few gamblers would agree.) Sack, Trey Flowers. Atlanta drops back to pass again to make up some yardage – holding call. Third down again, incomplete pass. Fourth down, punt. Pats get the ball back with 3:30 left. A crazy sequence of events, there.
Honorable Mention: Kudos to Edelman for maintaining his focus during his Catch, but – considering the football contacted more body parts than an orthopedist – the play seems more remarkable with each viewing; running back Tevin Coleman’s injury in the fourth quarter may have convinced the Falcons’ staff to pass on the ensuing third and one play; unfortunately for Atlanta, Devonta Freeman’s block was too small for a LEGO set, much less Dont’a Hightower, leading to the linebacker’s game-changing strip sack.
At that point (8:24 left), a 28-12 lead didn’t seem so safe anymore.
Next week, we’re on to the draft, with our annual Patriots Round-By-Round review. (Here’s last year’s column to get you thinking.)
Chris Warner shall never tire of watching the Slaters celebrate. You can reach him at email@example.com or @cwarn89 on Twitter.
While I’m sure the frequency will dissipate with time, every few hours or so I begin chuckling to myself. I can’t help it. New England won their fifth Super Bowl in the game’s first-ever overtime, 34-28, after trailing 28-3 with 8:31 left in the third quarter. Even after the confetti, the parade, and the trophies (Careful, Gronk!) it’s still difficult to believe.
Here’s the lede I had lined up after Atlanta’s Robert Alford returned a Tom Brady interception for a touchdown to push the Falcons ahead, 21-0. “No heart-stopper tonight. No, ‘Well, if this didn’t happen, or this.’ Atlanta is just better.”
Well, in my defense, they were better, at least until midway through the third. After settling for what seemed like a useless field goal at the end of the first half, the Patriots offense began the second half by going three-and-out, in part due to drops by Chris Hogan and Julian Edelman. The Falcons stormed down the field and scored yet again to go ahead 28-3. No one could have guessed that those would be their final points of the night.
An historical note amidst an historical week: In 2001, Coach Bill Belichick brought his team to see a special screening of Shackleton’s Antarctic Adventure, a documentary about Sir Ernest Shackleton and his crew, whose 1914 journey to the South Pole was thwarted by ice crushing their ship. After almost two years of struggle and perseverance, all 28 men returned to civilization. WGBH’s website posted the story. Many of the themes Brady and Belichick discussed came up 15 years later.
One tell-tale quote about the documentary, from Brady: “It told you that there are always going to be obstacles along the way. You have to keep your faith, keep believing in each other, keep working together, even if you think you’re never going to make it.”
Fitting that a season that began with so many unknowns had its ending in doubt until the last minute. What a game. What a ride.
Patriots fans can link to an entertaining collection of TV and radio calls of James White’s winning touchdown here (Kevin Harlan for Westwood One is a favorite.) Proof that, yes, it really did happen.
Four Scores And Several Fears Ago: A quick rundown of The Comeback, just to refresh our memories of how to erase a 28-3 deficit in the final 17-plus minutes of regulation. (Highlights of New England’s overtime drive can be seen here.)
TOUCHDOWN, five-yard pass to White, at 2:12 of third Q. 28-9.
Big Plays: 17-yard pass to Danny Amendola on fourth and three; 15-yard scramble by Brady on third down and eight.
SACK of Matt Ryan by Kyle Van Noy and Trey Flowers at 0:52 of third Q on third and 11.
FIELD GOAL, Stephen Gostkowski, at 9:48 of fourth Q. 28-12.
Big Plays: Passes of 15, seven, and 18 yards to Malcolm Mitchell; 25-yard pass to Martellus Bennett.
SACK by Dont’a Hightower, forcing Ryan to fumble, recovered by defensive tackle Alan Branch at 8:31 of fourth.
TOUCHDOWN, six-yard pass to Amendola, at 6:00. (White with the Kevin Faulk-ish two-point conversion rush.) 28-20.
Big Play: Pass to Mitchell for 12 yards on third and 11.
SACK by Flowers on second and 11, pushing Atlanta back to New England’s 35. (3:56 left.)
TOUCHDOWN, one-yard run for White, at 1:00. (Amendola quick screen two-point conversion.) 28-28.
Big Play: 23-yard pass tipped by Alford, gathered up by Edelman (more on this below).
I don’t know. Seems so straightforward when you spell it all out in print. But I suppose that’s how the Patriots did it: not looking for amazing plays, just trying to do enough on every down to keep the game within reach.
Brady Four-ever: Let us peruse some of the numbers, shall we? After going 16 for 26 in the first half (62 percent) for 184 yards and an avert-your-eyes interception, Our Tom hunkered down in the quest for four Super Bowl MVP Awards (I know, he wasn’t thinking about that, but just go with it) and completed 27 of 36 passes (75 percent) in the second half-plus for 282 yards and two touchdowns. This included going 16 of 21 in the fourth quarter (76 percent). He ended up completing 43 of 62 throws (a percentage of 69 – Go, Gronk!) for 466 yards. Brady broke more records than Disco Demolition Night, including but not limited to passes, completions, and yardage, on his way to (another record-breaking) fourth MVP.
I have a buddy who is not a Patriots fan, and he texted me to point out how much fun he had watching this Super Bowl as a part of history. Maybe it will take some time, but New England fans can spend the next month or so wearing out their DVRs the same way I wore out Side One of my Combat Rock cassette. Rewind, Play. Rewind, Play.
At this point, if you refuse to see that Brady is one of the best quarterbacks ever, that’s on you. It’s like refusing to believe the Earth is round. Fine. Just keep your own misinformation to yourself.
King James: A running back, receiver, and possible android, White deserved a serious look at Co-MVP, catching a (yet another record-breaking) 14 passes for 110 yards and one touchdown, while running for two more (including the sudden-death dagger in overtime), and bolting up the middle for a two-point conversion. On the Patriots’ first touchdown, White caught the ball near the left sideline and spun back toward the middle, cutting free for a five-yard score. With two minutes left, White got all three touches from the 21, toting a 13-yard pass to the eight, then snatching Brady’s next throw and scuttling under the defense for a seven-yard gain to the one. White then sliced through the middle of the line to get New England within two points.
No eye-popping, spectacular plays from White, just a stream of steady contributions that set his team in the proper direction. Great overall game by him. (You can watch his remarkably workmanlike highlight reel here.)
The one argument against White as MVP? While his 14 receptions are a record, they’re a lower percentage of completions than what SB 39 MVP Deion Branch had. White caught 14 of Brady’s 43 completions, an impressive 33 percent, with his 110 yards receiving accounting for 24 percent of Brady’s 466 total. Branch, however, caught 11 passes for 133 yards, making up almost half of Brady’s 23 completions (one-third of his 33 total passes) and over half of the QB’s 236 yards through the air. So, while I’m on board for White as Co-MVP, I just don’t think you can take the trophy away from Brady.
Would the Patriots have won without White? Probably not. But you can say the same about a half-dozen other players who rose to the occasion. Speaking of whom…
Jugglin’ Edelman: While Edelman caught five passes for 87 yards, his 23-yard falling-Plinko-disk catch will be analyzed only slightly less than the Zapruder film. (ESPN shows it from just about every angle.) Alford did a good job to tip the pass, and for a moment the cornerback actually had the ball between his feet as Edelman jockeyed with two oncoming defensive backs to try to secure it. Amidst a collection of arms and legs reminiscent of a cluster of Pop-Rocks-fueled fourth-graders playing ultra-competitive Twister, Edelman managed to clear the football of the fray and – after losing contact for an angina-laden heartbeat – scooped the ball out of the air to prevent it from touching the ground.
An overlooked aspect of the unbelievable nature of the catch was that the Falcons had to challenge that thing. The call was upheld, which took away their final timeout. Hard to blame Atlanta, though: my first thought upon watching this in real time was that it had to be overturned. An amazing call by the referee.
‘Tis I’ll Be Here, In Sunshine Or In Shadow: Oh, Danny Boy. Looking at the rundown of New England’s tying drive in regulation, we get a sense of every receiver’s importance. From their own nine-yard line, Brady hit Hogan for 15 yards on third and 10. The QB then found rookie/second-half phenom Mitchell for 11 on second and 10. From the 36, the aforementioned Edelman Catch netted 23 yards to Atlanta’s 41. Amendola bolted open to gather in a 20-yarder to the 21, whereupon White took over.
Earlier, Amendola’s TD with six minutes left resulted from a six-yard out where his knife-sharp pattern got him clear toward the left sideline. On the night, he had eight catches for 78 yards, Mitchell had six for 70, Hogan had four for 57, and tight end Bennett had five for 62 and forced linebacker De’Vondre Campbell to commit a neck-hug-from-a-drunk-girl-who-doesn’t-really-like-you-that-way pass interference penalty in overtime that gained 13 yards to the Falcons’ two.
Overtime had more featured players than a Christopher Guest movie. Brady to White for six. To Amendola for a 14-yard catch-and-run. To Hogan for 18, then Edelman for 15, then the attempt to Bennett for 13 penalty yards. It was overwhelming to watch, much less try to defend.
Ooh, that reminds me…
Hotlanta: How overheated was Atlanta’s defense? New England had possession for more than 40 minutes with 93 offensive plays, over twice as many as the Falcons (46). Of those 93, 63 were pass plays (Edelman had one attempt). Let’s consider the kind of effort it takes to rush the passer. You must move, push over, or get around a 300-pound man, whose sole purpose is to prevent you from doing so. You yourself must propel your not-diminutive frame out of a three- or four-point stance at great speed, keeping said 300-pound obstacle at bay as you seek to grab the professional athlete behind him. So, essentially, a series of squat thrusts with added heavy bench press reps, to be continued after a half-hour intermission when adrenaline has subsided.
No wonder Brady started having success in the third quarter. The QB had gotten smacked around like an effigy of Roger Goodell in a Cumberland Farms parking lot, but after, what, forty passes? Fifty? Those dudes must have been more used up than a gift certificate for a Chadwick’s Belly Buster. According to Pro Football Focus, the Falcons’ pressure declined steadily over the course of the game. The percentage of pressured pass attempts dipped from a high of 60 in the first to a mere 13 percent in the fourth and overtime. Oh, you Patriots. Playing the long game again.
Trey Magnifique: In 2015, New England chose Arkansas defensive end Flowers in the fourth round. He ended up on IR that December after an injury-plagued rookie year, playing in only one game. Suffice to say, 2016 has been a little different. Flowers became the team’s top pass-rusher by season’s end, totaling 45 tackles and seven sacks on the year. Flowers had a great night, hassling Ryan with 2.5 sacks, one hit, and one hurry. The end’s best-timed tackle came with four minutes left in the fourth, when he engulfed Ryan on second down. The QB lost 12 yards on the play, putting Atlanta on the edge of field goal range at the Patriot 35. Chris Long forced a holding call on the next snap, pushing the Falcons back to New England’s 45. One, two, punt-a-roo.
High There: Of course, we can’t mention sacks without talking about the big-time play of Hightower. The Patriots had just spent the first five minutes of the fourth quarter on offense, coming away with a mere three points for their effort to close the gap to 16. This felt like watching a conversational foreign-language film when you’re tired: something needed to happen to get back into it. With 8:31 on the clock, Ryan attempted a pass from his own 36, but Hightower brushed past running back Devonta Freeman like a bull through a blueberry thicket, smacking the ball out of Ryan’s cocked arm for a strip sack. Five plays later, Amendola was cradling the football in the end zone like it was a vintage Beanie Baby, the comeback gaining mind-changing momentum.
Fill Collins: Remember that weird feeling when linebacker Jamie Collins got traded for a juice box and a bag of Cheez-Its? (Actually, it was a compensatory third-round pick, but you get the picture.) Well, while no single player could replace Collins, a single-minded effort emerged in his absence. Sunday, rookie Elandon Roberts had two tackles. Van Noy had a half-sack. Shea McClellin exhibited a Collins-like leap to prevent an extra-point attempt, but it was nullified due to the officials calling “illegal formation,” which didn’t make sense. In any case, solid contributions throughout the lineup.
Look, Collins got paid mucho bucks by Cleveland. He’s happy. The Patriots assembled a classic, better-than-the-sum-of-its-parts linebacker ensemble to complement Hightower. They’re happy. Sometimes when it happens, no matter how many times we see it happen, we outside of Gillette initially fail to grasp the potential benefits of trades like this.
Ball Hawks, Ball Falcons: Speaking of linebackers, the Falcons looked impressive on defense before their tires started to wear out. Both of New England’s turnovers were strong plays by Atlanta’s defense, a topic that was also part of my deleted lede, which is starting to resemble the second act of It’s a Wonderful Life. (But there is no fifth Lombardi, George: the Falcons ran the football in the second half.) Linebacker Deion Jones basically gave the weight-room version of the jaws of life to LeGarrette Blount’s football, setting it free at the Atlanta 29. This took away the Patriots’ best chance to score at that point and gave the Falcon’s offense serious momentum, as five plays later Devonta Freeman ran around left end for a five-yard touchdown.
The second turnover was just a strong read by Alford, who cut in front of Amendola and rode into Valhalla, all shiny and chrome. Excruciating for the Patriots, who had taken 14 plays (including two defensive holding penalties) to drive 52 yards to Atlanta’s 23. Just an absolute killer to go down 21-0 with 2:21 left in the half.
Seriously, how in the hell did New England win this game?
Jones’ Down Massacre: Seeing receiver Julio Jones toe-tapping along the sideline for remarkable catches was like watching a bird demon dancing on the Patriots’ grave. Still, if Jones wanted to start a cult, I just might join him. His 27-yard catch over lanky cornerback Eric Rowe along the right sideline looked like the reception of the night (pre-Edelman), considering how high he had to jump and how nimble he had to be to get his feet inbounds. Just an amazing athlete. Surprised the Patriots held him to four receptions for 87 yards. Every catch belonged on a highlight reel.
Ryan’s Hope: Oh my gosh, Matt Ryan. My respect for him grew watching his post-game press conference. Can’t imagine sitting down and acting cordial after that emotional meteorite. (I’m in space! I’m flying! Oh God now I’m on fire and crashing to Earth!) Ryan completed 17 of 23 passes (74 percent) for 284 yards (17 yards per completion, 12 yards per attempt) and two touchdowns. One issue? The Falcons only converted one of eight third-down attempts. Allowing five sacks probably didn’t help, either, especially one late in the fourth quarter when a field goal could have iced the game.
FOX And Trends: Usually, this space is devoted to the replays that CBS broadcasts missed. I have no such complaints for FOX’s Super Bowl broadcast, quite possibly because I watched the first half in the same way I would witness a mugging. (What is happening over there? Is that – ? Should I do something? What can I do?) Anyway, solid job overall by Le Renard, with a few tidbits that could have used improvement.
• Joe Buck confused Amendola for Edelman with 9:42 to go in the first quarter, which, you know, fine. But with 5:45 to go in the third quarter, after Amendola’s 17-yard grab on fourth and three, Buck identified Amendola correctly yet felt the need to say, “Not Edelman.” Yeah, we get it, Rain Man: we can see the jersey numbers.
• Troy Aikman’s tone-setting remarks at the start of the second half: “This opening possession, for both teams, I think, is big.” Wow. “Big.” Someone got a word-a-day calendar for Christmas.
• Showing a replay of the Tyree catch right after the Edelman play seemed a little forced, kind of like when the pre-2004 Red Sox made an error in the playoffs and the networks would break out scenes from Game Six (you know which one). It was hard not to think of the broadcast crew getting all excited at the opportunity to use the clip, celebrating like NASA scientists at the end of Apollo 13. Of course both Super Bowl receptions defied probability, but there are differences. For example, Edelman made his catch on first down, while Tyree made his on third down, right after he signed his name in blood on a contract made from the skin of harp seal pups.
• I personally enjoyed this, in part because my daughter was fast asleep. When Willie McGinest presented the trophy to the team, he barked out more than one (non-PG) variation of “Kiss that mothereffer!” After the first one, maybe FOX could’ve turned down the volume? No one in that gauntlet of spent, elated, testosterone-fueled humanity was going to censor his own words. Plan ahead, FOX.
• One complaint about the halftime report: if you’re going to showcase a gem like Katie Nolan, you have to do so for more than one minute. She read a couple of unremarkable tweets, and did little after that. More of her next time, please.
• After the game, fun to hear Curt Menefee proclaim, “The New England Patriots 2016-2017 Revenge Tour is complete.” I mean, somebody had to say it.
• Nice work on FS1 after FOX went to their “24” spinoff (possibly named “24: Why Not?”). Charissa Thompson chaired an entertaining-if-not-awe-inspiring panel including Peanut Tillman, Greg Jennings, and Dave Wannstedt. The latter figured prominently in the interview with Dion Lewis, as he recruited Lewis at the University of Pittsburgh. Fun table.
Two notes on the NFL Network, one good, one not as good:
• Deion Sanders said this about Atlanta’s response to pressure: “Everybody’s aggressive when you’re up, but when that thing gets tight, everything gets tight.” He based this on his experience as a corner playing with the Niners and how, once they got a big lead, he’d try to pick off shorter routes. If he got beat, no big deal. Strong mix of observation and experience from him.
• LaDainian Tomlinson analyzed the Edelman catch, which was fun to watch. He then analyzed the Lady Gaga catch (a football was tossed to her while she leapt off the stage), which was less fun and more – oh, what’s that word? – Rough. That’s it. I think every studio should hire a producer specifically to alert on-air talent when their goofing around fails to translate. Just because your buddy at the desk is laughing doesn’t mean anyone else is.
Tomlinson still earns points after calling out Sanders and even throwing to footage of him making two different predictions on pre-game shows. Apparently, Sanders liked Atlanta in the morning and New England in the afternoon. (I guess the Patriots do tend to look better later.)
Golden Belichick! What a world of happiness their harmony foretells! Speaking of Prime Time, kudos to ESPN’s NFL Primetime for appreciating the moment and for getting Coach Belichick to sit down for a quick interview after the game. Quite an experienced panel, with Chris Berman, Steve Young, and Randy Moss opening the segment trying to verbalize their disbelief. Moss coaxed the coach to say a few words, an appealingly impromptu moment emphasized by Berman’s less-than-smooth attempt to hand over his own headset.
Amazing how Belichick could break down what happened during the game: how much time was left after the Patriots scored, what Atlanta did in response, defensive schemes, specific plays, etc. I have a hard enough time figuring out the chronology of college games I’ve just watched from my couch, much less the most dramatic Super Bowl comeback ever. Belichick seems to be loosening up in some regards, making him a lot of fun to watch and listen to this season.
Blank Stare: As a lifelong fan of the Celtics, I know a thing or two about celebrating victory in the other team’s face (RIP, Red Auerbach and his cigars). This helps me understand why Falcons owner Arthur Blank would walk down to the sideline to be with his team during an apparently imminent victory. I feel bad for the guy, but after watching him dancing around at halftime, that feeling dissipates a bit. Interesting that, in the previous link, it says, “As of halftime, (Blank’s) team is beating the New England Patriots, 21-0.” Guess those writers neglected to see the field goal with five seconds left. Amazing how important that became.
Oh, commercials? There were some? Of course. I’m just going to mention a few that stuck with me for more positive reasons.
Misleading Weapon: A promo for the show “Lethal Weapon” said they had 50 million viewers. How is that possible? What does that mean? Fifty million total? Ever? Besides my mother, I don’t know anyone who watches that show. Not saying it’s bad – heck, my mom loves it – but I think it tickles the boundaries of belief that “Weapon” has almost half as many viewers as the Super Bowl.
Ghost In The Hellloooo: Watching the preview for Ghost In The Shell, I just had to wonder what parents were telling their children across the country. Scarlett Johansson seems to be nude (it’s a skin-tight, flesh-colored body suit), and starts punching and kicking everything, all to that overused, overloud, BWAAHHH movie score noise. Again, in consideration of children in the room, maybe that’s a third-quarter ad instead of first quarter? Not sure the younger kids want to catch up on an updated 20-year-old manga film.
Drop Me In The Water: Enjoyed the Life Water ad, where raindrops result in multi-colored designs on sidewalks and buildings. A nice break from some of the louder, more intense commercials. (I’m looking at you, Ghost In The Shell.)
Class of 84: The “Journey” ad for 84 Lumber rates highly because a) I had never heard of 84 Lumber before Sunday night; and b) it tells the most compelling story of any commercial. (You can see the nearly six-minute short film of “The Entire Journey” here.)
Some were upset by the story of a mother and daughter trying to cross the border from Mexico (just search for “84 Lumber protest” and see for yourself). I’ll just say that I, personally, consider my hard-fought struggle to become an American – a tale that involves my mother going to a Boston hospital and me managing to survive birth under the best medical care the world has to offer – and I can see why people get upset.
Just kidding. It’s a lumber company commercial. You should be more riled up about that Ghost In The Shell ridiculousness. Since when is Johansson Japanese?
Just What I Needed: A Cars song for some car commercials that hit on different levels. First, we had the Honda CR-V ad featuring CGI’d celebrity yearbook photos. The talking portraits are a distraction from the fact that the ad makes no sense. “Follow your dreams; see where they may lead.” Not sure where a Honda CR-V fits in here. I don’t figure that many high school students would vote for a Honda as their dream car, but, hell, I don’t know. The Civic gets really good mileage.
Anyway, I loved the KIA Niro ad with Melissa McCarthy. A funny, slapsticky short about a self-perceived “Eco Warrior” and the difficulties her efforts can entail. The Niro gets 51 miles per gallon on the highway, which they probably should have mentioned in the ad.
I really enjoyed the Alfa Romeo commercial, not so much for its “Ride on the backs of dragons” theme (taken in part from the Alfa Romeo symbol, based on the symbol for the City of Milan), but simply for the idea that someone is going to see it and think, “You know what? I could use a sports car around the house.” In their defense, the Giulia comes in at under $40,000, far less than I figured upon seeing the ad. Shoot: buy two!
In Your Head, In Your Head: Zombie! Amazing timing regarding the extra-point miss by Gostkowski (whose name may or may not translate from Polish as “For the love of Christ!”). The commercial right afterward was for “The Walking Dead.” I don’t consider myself superstitious, but down 28-9, that coincidence was difficult to ignore.
Rise Up? Wise Up: As I’ve said before in this space, I’m not a fan of sports schadenfreude. It bothers me when cameras show the offensive player who committed the turnover as the other team scores, or when they zoom in on the losing coach as he realizes he’s losing. So what I’m about to say isn’t in regards to Falcons fans as much as some pot-stirring media. The USA Today Falcons blog The Falcons Wire posted a piece with video on Sunday night with the headline: “WATCH: Was James White’s knee down before ball crossed goal line?” To this, I give my standard answer for every headline in the form of a question: Nope.
The irresponsibility of this click bait rises up (ha!) when, while discussing the embedded video, blogger Tim Weaver writes, “At the very least, the game’s most important play should have been reviewed as all scoring plays usually are in the NFL.” This insinuates that, due to the immediate, confetti-blitzed reaction, the officials neglected to take another look at the replay, and the Falcons might have gotten the shaft. Of course, every scoring play is reviewed (one NFL policy I have always agreed with), making Weaver’s statement either ignorant or inflammatory.
I believe it was the former, as the above quote was removed by Tuesday afternoon (I have a screen shot of it from that morning). The new wording says, “Again, this angle is hardly definitive but it certainly appears that White’s knee hit the turf before any part of the ball crossed over the white line.” I mean, sure, if your brain hasn’t yet developed a sense of object permanence. The football is hidden from view by a Falcon’s knee when – barring some bizarre outlier in physics – it crosses the plane of the line. We clearly saw it do so from the opposite angle shown during the broadcast.
Maybe it’s time to spice up my internal monologue a bit. I might steal this mode of presentation.
WATCH: Is Chris Warner about to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra all by himself and hide the empty container deep in the trash where his wife can’t find it?
Yeesh. That got sad. That got sad real quick.
So Just Let Me Introduce Myself: The 2001 Patriots were the first Super Bowl squad to be introduced together as a team. Who will be the team to go back to the way it used to be, with individual player intros? I think that would be awesome to see, because it would take a certain amount of, shall we say, confidence? “Ladies and gentlemen, choosing to be introduced separately …“
I would love that. An ultimate, I-don’t-care-what-you-think moment. Hell, the Patriots should do it. I can hear Belichick at the podium now. “The individual introductions, I mean, it was good enough for Terry Bradshaw. Good enough for Joe Montana, Jerry Rice.The Cowboys in the ’90s? You know, that team, you’ve got – you’ve got some pretty good players on that team. Giants, when I was there. The 1985 Bears. They did it, too.”
I Want Your Six: Really? A “We want six!” chant breaking out at the parade? Good God, people. Live in the now! Let’s savor the moment and, at the very least, wait for the “Three Games To Glory V” DVD to come out before making plans for Minneapolis.
As an aside, “Making Plans For Minneapolis” sounds like the name of an early Replacements EP.
Plead The Fifth: Was this the least important Super Bowl in New England’s history? Okay, according to my previously stated standard response to headline questions, no. But bear with me. I’m not talking about the quality of the game itself, and I’m not referring to Brady’s desire to win this specific one. I mean, in terms of the Patriots since 2000, where did each game rank in importance heading into it?
In 2001, they broke through, taking the trophy for the first time in the franchise’s crazy, oft-comical history. (Chronicled by Jerry Thornton in his book.) The 2003 season proved 2001 was no fluke, while 2004’s encore cemented their standing as a short-term, Dallas-like dynasty. (A nice rundown of the early championship years here in this book by Chris Price.) In 2007, a chance at 19-0. In 2011, a chance at some form of redemption. Two years ago, a confirmation of greatness in the face of tyrannical obstacles. Where does 2016’s championship rate? Hypothetically speaking, where might the next one?
I don’t know, but I’m hoping for a chance to find out.
That’s all for this week, and for the season. See you in this space over the next couple of months as I offer up some Pats-centric views on the NFL draft. Time to go: better start that long walk to the bus.
Chris Warner is willing to sell the slogan “In The Mix For Six” to the Patriots for a juice box and a bag of Cheez-Its. He also hasn’t gotten enough sleep this week. His email: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: @cwarn89.
Sorry you won’t read many observations about the Super Bowl here. I’m loathe to watch the Sunday pre-game stuff for a couple of hours, much less two weeks. I’m thinking it should be close, like all New England Super Bowls this millennium, and high-scoring. So… go ahead and place your bets, I guess?
Spent the past couple of weekends watching college football players at the Senior Bowl and East-West Shrine Game in preparation for this, our first draft column of the season. After covering the Patriots’ draft for several years, I came to the conclusion that, as difficult as it could be to predict the specific names of players New England would choose, we could start to predict the general types of players they tend to select at certain points of the draft.
With only a few days of practice, Senior Bowl offenses inspired about as much confidence as a pufferfish platter at Red Lobster. Still, it was a decent demonstration of athleticism and how players perform under pressure knowing their future bosses are watching. The South held on to beat the North, 16-15. (I knew you were on the edge of your seat, there.)
For a more extensive rundown of past Patriots picks who fit these categories, please take a look at our Senior Bowl “That Guy” column from last year. Also, for a slightly different perspective on Coach Bill Belichick’s drafts, you can take a peek at our annual Round-by-Round Review from 2016. (We should have an updated one later this month.)
Quick rundown of Guys To Be Named Later, i.e. we’ll get a better idea after the NFL Combine:
The 3-Cone Guy: The Patriots seem to appreciate quickness measured by 3-cone drills more than straight-line speed measured by 40-yard dashes. (On this point, WEEI.com’s Chris Price and I agree.) Seventh-rounders Julian Edelman (6.62-second 3-cone) in 2009 and Darryl Roberts (6.66) in 2015 fit this description. We’ll see all the relevant times after the combine concludes March 6.
Best Guess If I Had To: Back-of-all-trades Donnel Pumphrey out of San Diego State, who, at 169 pounds, weighs almost enough to break the surface tension of water.
The Freakishly Athletic Guy: You can call this the Jamie Collins pick. Once in a while the Patriots will go after a guy who makes the combine crowd react like they’re watching a rim-shaking dunk by a high schooler. Some nice feats of derring-do at the all-star tilts, but we’ll have to wait for the numbers.
On to the Guys!
The Solid First-Rounder: The Patriots have a high rate of success in the first round, with Richard Seymour (2001), Vince Wilfork (2004), Nate Solder (2011) and Dont’a Hightower (2012) just a few examples of high-end, long-term starters culled from their top selections. Defensive tackle Montravius Adams out of Clemson (6-3, 308) had a strong game for the South and seemed to have the flexibility along the line that New England craves. Last season, Adams made All-SEC Second Team with 39 stops (8.5 for loss) and 4.5 sacks.
The “Who’s That Guy?” Guy: Using second-round picks on unheralded names like Sebastian Vollmer (2009), Tavon Wilson (2012), and Jordan Richards (2015) demonstrated how the Patriots value players differently than many draftniks. If Bill and Co. like what they see in a guy, they go get him. Not a lot of unknowns at the Senior Bowl, so we went with…
East-West Shrine Guy: Temple cornerback Nate Hairston (6-0, 192) showed sound defense on an end zone fade route and made a great punt team tackle. For the Owls, Hairston had 27 stops (including three for loss), two interceptions and three pass break-ups in 2016.
The Small-School Defender: New England drafted Zach Moore (Concordia) in 2014 and Markell Carter (Central Arkansas) in 2011, both in the sixth round. At the Senior Bowl, safety Lorenzo Jerome (6-0, 192) out of adorable St. Francis University had the kind of day that would put him on the front page in Loretto, Pennsylvania (population: 1,341). Jerome opened some eyes in this game with two interceptions, a well-played tackle for loss on a reverse, and a forced fumble. As a senior, Jerome totaled 59 tackles (5.5 for loss), 2.5 sacks, six interceptions, and five pass break-ups for the Red Flash.
Note: if you begin to experience Red Flash, please consult your physician.
Offensive Line Double-Dips: As shown with Joe Thuney and Ted Karras last year, Tré Jackson and Shaq Mason in 2015, and Bryan Stork and Cameron Fleming in 2014, the Patriots have been on a recent streak of nabbing at least two O-linemen per draft (they also took guard Jon Halapio in 2014). Taking a couple of well-aimed shots in the dark here, I’ll go with Dion Dawkins (6-4, 317) out of Temple and Justin Senior (6-5, 322) from Mississippi State. Both had solid games last Saturday. This past season, Dawkins was named All-American Athletic Conference First Team by league coaches. Senior made Second-Team All-SEC and was awarded the Kent Hull Trophy this year for having his foot in the crease. What? Hold on…
Nope, my mix-up. The Kent Hull Trophy is awarded to the best collegiate O-lineman in Mississippi, in honor of the late MSU center and NFL Pro Bowler who played for the Buffalo Bills from 1986-1996.
The Long-Limbed Defensive End: New England often seeks out a lanky pass-rusher, as seen with Trey Flowers and Geneo Grissom in 2015 and Michael Buchanan in 2013. While they had depth at the position this season (enough where the trading of Chandler Jones seemed not-quite-seppuku-like), Rob Ninkovich and Chris Long are in the teenage vampire movie of their careers.
Sorry: Twilight. That’s what I meant. Anyhoo, you can’t get much longer-limbed than Villanova phenom/potential-Game-of-Thrones-character-name Tanoh Kpassagnon, whose 6-foot-7, 280-pound build had Senior Bowl scouts all agog. In Mobile, Kpassagnon (which may be pronounced pass-EN-yo, but good luck with that) had a hurry and a sack and made himself a general nuisance for most of the game. Last season, Kpassagnon made All-Colonial Athletic Association First Team, leading the conference with 21.5 tackles for loss, including 11 sacks.
The only reason the Pats won’t draft him is that he’s getting a little too much attention from scouts. (The quote from a Philly scout made him sound like a GQ cover model.) Interesting to see how highly New England values him.
East-West Shrine Guy: With Flowers’ success coming out of Arkansas, maybe Deatrich Wise will get a look? The 6-5, 275-pounder looked strong against the run, using his long arms to shed blockers. For the Razorbacks, Wise had 49 tackles, 3.5 sacks, a forced fumble, and seven QB hurries.
The Alabama Guy: The connections between Bill Belichick and Coach Nick Saban of Alabama go back about 25 years, making the Tide a constant target of Pats’ draft speculation. Last season, they used their top pick in the second round on slot cornerback/serial punt mishandler Cyrus Jones. In 2015, New England drafted outside linebacker Xzavier Dickson. In 2012, they spent the aforementioned first-round pick on Hightower.
As much as we love tight end O. J. Howard, the Pats will draft after pick 30, and they know Howard will stick around about as long as the cool kid after CCD class. (Hey, you want to go to the spa, or you want to talk more Beatitudes?) With this in mind, keep an eye out for linebacker Ryan Anderson (6-2, 258) at the end of the first round. Anderson did not play in the Senior Bowl due to a thumb injury suffered during practice, but his 61 tackles, 19 tackles for loss (nine sacks) and four forced fumbles in 2016 (All-SEC honors) will probably suffice. I mean, if they can get a player similar to Hightower, I assume they’ll do that.
The Rutgers Guy: Well, it’s time to retire this category. Coach Belichick and former Rutgers head Greg Schiano had such a high level of respect for each other that the Raritan used to have a steady flow north, but that has become a trickle since Schiano has been out of New Jersey. New England drafted Devin McCourty, Duron Harmon, and Logan Ryan, and could look to take more defensive backs under Schiano’s tutelage as he continues as associate head coach and defensive coordinator at Ohio State. Therefore… The Ohio State Guy: Ol’ Belichick pal and current Ohio State coach Urban Meyer unintentionally screwed the Pats with most of Meyer’s Florida players New England selected. Chad Jackson in 2006 remains the team’s biggest second-round misfire, while a certain Tight End Who Shall Not Be Named still casts a shadow over Foxboro. So, to be more specific…
The Ohio State Defensive Back: There we go! New category! Looks like Malik Hooker (leave it alone, Chris, just … leave it) is the number-one ranked corner in the draft, so we’ll go with Gareon Conley, a junior who declared for the draft but did not play in the Senior Bowl. Conley had 26 tackles, four interceptions, and eight pass break-ups. We’ll be keeping an eye on him during the combine.
The Injured Guy: New England tends to take chances with college players who missed time due to injury. Sometimes this gamble works (Rob Gronkowski, 2010), sometimes not (Ras-I Dowling, 2011). Well, despite our past misgivings about Florida, we’re taking a shot with linebacker Alex Anzalone (6-3, 240). The declared junior looked fast afoot and quicker with a diagnosis than a surly-yet-misunderstood TV doctor. In 2016, he broke his arm after only eight games, missing the rest of the season. In 2015, a shoulder injury forced him out of all but two contests. Though missing out on five games this season, he still had the third-highest tackle total with 53 for the Gators, including four for loss and three sacks. He also had two pass break-ups and six QB hits.
The Backup Quarterback: When Tom Brady starts for your team, it causes some head-scratching when you pick a QB closer to the beginning of the draft than the end. (Have the Pats lost faith in Brady? What else can be inferred from this? Do I have too much time on my hands? To whom am I speaking right now?) Still, it’s hard to argue that selecting Jimmy Garoppolo in the second round in 2014 didn’t reap benefits, or that taking rookie Jacoby Brissett in the fourth doesn’t have potential. With that in mind, Cal QB Davis Webb (6-5, 229) seemed to have the most control over his South team. He went seven of 10 for 116 yards and a touchdown in the first half, finishing 11 of 16 for 165 yards to earn Most Outstanding Player honors. He executed some delicious touch throws, including a moonshot dropped in the bucket on a 2-point conversion attempt.
Last season, Webb completed 62 percent of his passes, with 37 TDs and 12 INTs.
The Backup Tight End: Going all the way back to 2000 with fifth-rounder Dave Stachelski, the Patriots have consistently added to the tight end position as if they were grandma’s figurines (“Oh, just one Andy Stokes for the sun room. Isn’t he precious?”). First-rounders Daniel Graham (2002) and Benjamin Watson (2004) started in the early years, while second-rounder Gronkowski (2010) has performed a key role in recent seasons but could use some young depth behind him and Martellus Bennett, Northeastern University’s finest notwithstanding.
We mentioned Howard out of Alabama and his unavailability before, so let’s discuss Michael Roberts from Toledo (6-4, 261). A participant in both the Senior Bowl and the Shrine Game, Roberts has the size and quickness to contribute. He only caught one pass in Mobile, but he showed tenacious blocking in the Shrine Game and made a couple of nice catches-and-runs, including one where he shrugged off two would-be tacklers. Last year, Roberts had 15 touchdown receptions, the best for a tight end in the nation.
Fun Fact: Roberts’ hands measured 11 and 5/8 inches, over one inch bigger than receiver Malcolm Mitchell’s mitts, each of which resembles two ptarmigans colliding.
The Take-A-Shot-On-This-Receiver Guy: The trick of drafting involves understanding how a player can fit in one’s system. The receiver position has the most pitfalls for Foxboroites, because they’re not just learning an offense, they’re trying to mesh with a QB who also happens to be a first-ballot Hall of Famer. Too bad Tom Brady can’t got along on scouting trips to play catch.
Watching the Senior Bowl, it was hard not to fall in love with Zay Jones (6-2, 202) out of East Carolina, who broke open more often than that plastic baggie containing all your child’s god damn Calico Critter accessories that you are guaranteed to step on barefoot later tonight. Jones finished with one touchdown catch but could have had as many as three more if not for a holding penalty, an overthrow, and a lack of official review on a toe-tap at the back of the end zone that would have inspired Degas. At ECU this past season, the two-time captain made All-American Athletic Conference First Team with 158 receptions (wha-?) for 1,746 yards (yikes!) and eight TDs.
The Special Teams Guy: The Pats consistently pick guys with a special teams focus. Perennial Pro-Bowler Matthew Slater came to Gillette via 2008’s fifth round. New England selected punter Zoltan Mesko in 2010, Nate Ebner in 2012, and long snapper Joe Cardona in 2015. This year, we like the look of a local, with Boston College safety John Johnson (6-1, 205) showing up in Mobile on a solid punt return tackle. Johnson, a captain for the Eagles, ranked second on the team with 77 tackles (a team-leading 56 unassisted). He also had three interceptions, nine pass breakups, a forced fumble, and a sack on BC’s top-10-ranked defense.
The Navy Guy: Cardona remains the only Navy Academy grad drafted by Belichick, though Fullbacks Kyle Eckel (scored two TDs in 2007) and Eric Kettani spent some time in New England, while others have been on the Patriots’ roster under reserve/military exemption (slotback Shun White, for example). This year featured no Navy players in Mobile, but we’re going to offer up East-West Shrine attendee Will Worth (6-1, 205) as someone with whom Belichick has become familiar. Starting the season as a backup quarterback, the senior was pressed into action in Week One when sophomore starter Tago Smith injured his knee. Worth himself had his season ended by a foot injury, but not before rushing for 1,128 yards and 25 touchdowns, while completing 72 of 117 passes (62 percent) for 1,397 yards and eight TDs.
Worth could be healthy in time to participate in the NFL Combine, if he’s invited. Hey, if he gets a solid 3-cone time, maybe the Pats will consider converting him to receiver.
What?!? A college quarterback playing receiver? Do tell…
The Seventh-Round Slot Receiver: Northwestern’s Jeremy Ebert (2012) and Michigan’s Jeremy Gallon (2014) fit here, but none could live up to the growing legend of Julian Edelman (2009), who – get ready for this – played QB at Kent State. It’s true. The most promising slot guy at the Senior Bowl seemed to be Mississippi State’s Fred Ross (6-1, 203), who made a couple of nice catches on slants and crossers and had a sweet back-shoulder grab in the third quarter. Ross earned First-Team All-SEC honors for the second year in a row this past season, totaling 72 catches for 917 yards (12.7 avg.) and 12 touchdowns. He played every receiver position (ooh, versatility, you seductive minx) and returned punts.
So, why only a seventh-round prediction? State went 3-5 in the SEC, 6-7 overall.
East-West Shrine Guys: Fun to watch Kermit Whitfield out of Florida State (5-8, 183), who became a go-to guy for the East Team as the Shrine Game progressed. Whitfield had one drop but overcame that with some nice receptions, slipperiness in space, and a solid punt return. At FSU, Whitfield spent more time on the field than sunlight, catching 34 passes for 395 yards (one touchdown), rushing eight times for 79 yards (one TD), and returning 26 kicks for 595 yards (22.9 avg.). Another player worth mentioning in light of the previous Ebert pick is Austin Carr (6-0, 201), also out of Northwestern. Carr set a school record by catching a TD in six consecutive games. The former walk-on finished with 90 receptions, 1,247 yards, and 12 touchdowns, leading the Big Ten in all three categories to be named the conference’s Receiver of the Year.
Fun Fact: Carr attended Benicia High School in California, only about an hour’s drive from Edelman’s alma mater, Woodside High.
Another Fun Fact: The Big Ten Receiver of the Year Award was named the Richter-Howard Receiver of the Year Award, after German painter Hans Richter and American director Ron Howard.
Fun Fact-checked Fact: Actually, it’s named after Pat Richter of Wisconsin and Desmond Howard of Michigan. So, close?
Hey, how’s about some more new categories while we’re at it?
The Pedigree Pick Guy: Relatively rare (get it? Relatively? Amazing you get to read this stuff for free), this group will grow as former NFLers get older and more of their offspring develop into prominent college players. While watching the Shrine Game, it was hard to miss defensive end Bryan Cox (6-3, 264) out of Florida. Cox showed great change-of-direction and play-deciphering skills when he rushed the passer, stopped, and chased down a receiver on a bubble screen. He seemed difficult to block all day, beating different O-linemen one-on-one to harass West team QBs. Last year for the Gators, Cox fought through various injuries (including a broken hand) and managed 19 tackles, 2.5 for loss, half a sack, six QB hits, and a forced fumble.
His father had 49 tackles in 11 games for the Patriots, but his time in Foxboro is nicely summed up in this piece by Mike Reiss on ESPN.com.
The Back-To-The-Well Guy: The Patriots got a solid linebacker from Houston in last year’s draft (hey there, Elandon Roberts), so maybe they’ll take a long gander at Tyus Bowser (6-3, 244). Bowser looked fast and seemed to get himself in good position at the Senior Bowl. Last season, Bowser missed five games due to injury, yet still managed to tie for a team-best 8.5 sacks. He totaled 12 tackles for loss and notched a forced fumble and a safety.
Hey, You Got Peanut Butter In My Public Relations: Watching the Reese’s Senior Bowl – or any bowl game, for that matter – means checking out the company flack at halftime trying to connect football to her corporation. Anna Lingeris did a fine job (and that’s not sarcasm), talking about a player field trip to see kids and wrapping up with this nugget:
“From the brand perspective, from the Reese’s team and the Hershey company, that is what we’re about, being able to touch the community.”
You know what’s great about this? While you read it, Reese’s could be anything. They could make beer; they could sell garden hoses. PR is about promoting an emotion. Here, Ms. Lingeris has to convince us that a major corporation doesn’t just want to shovel limitless dollops of goober sluice down our expectant gullets, they want to connect with us and help us connect with each other. You think of it that way, and it’s almost like charity.
I have to admit, I’m a little jealous, because I think I would have crushed this if I’d followed that path out of college. Coming up with catchy slogans? Giving concise presentations? Promoting candy, for the love of God? Another professional opportunity missed.
In any case, see you next week. Not sure who will win, but I hope it’s the Patriots, because that’s what they’re about: being able to touch the community.
Chris Warner could also have been a pretty decent meteorologist and would have tried to crack up the anchor desk with his shenanigans. You can email him at email@example.com or tweet @cwarn89.
If you could summarize New England quarterback Tom Brady’s career in one sentence, this might be it: he has reached the Super Bowl in seven of his 15 seasons as a starter. (Thanks to Rich Hill of PatsPulpit.com for that reminder.)
New England handled Pittsburgh from start to finish, bolting out to a 10-0 lead and never letting up in a 36-17 win. Viewers got a solid idea of how this game would go on the Patriots’ first possession. First, New England won the coin toss and chose to receive the kickoff, which they almost never do. This spoke to the confidence Coach Bill Belichick had in getting off to a fast start. Secondly, Brady completed his first four passes to four different receivers. Tight end Martellus Bennett gathered in a 12-yarder over the middle. Julian Edelman took a seven-yard crosser and kept going, zipping up the sideline and dance-cutting to the middle for 41 yards. Rookie Malcolm Mitchell caught a five-yard out. Danny Amendola got four yards by the left hash mark. After an uncharacteristic drop by Mitchell, New England had to settle for a Stephen Gostkowski field goal, but the tempo and the tenor of the game were set.
Brady ended up completing 32 of 42 passes (76 percent) for 384 yards (personal playoff best) and three touchdowns, pushing the Patriots to a commanding victory over the Steelers for their second AFC Championship in three years. New England held the visitors to nine points until late in the fourth quarter, dominating the game after halftime with a 16-point third quarter that stretched the lead to 33-9.
In last week’s column, I was, one could say, one-third prescient: “This Sunday, anything could happen. It could be a 44-43 barnburner, a 16-15 defensive struggle, or a 34-6 blowout (though my money would lay with the first option).” Hey, 34-6, 36-17. Who’s keeping track, really? The Patriots found a best-case scenario against a team that Brady typically handles well. In fact, since Coach Mike Tomlin took over the Steelers in 2007, Brady has zero interceptions vs. Pittsburgh.
That begs the question, why did so many commentators pick the Steelers? Was it due to New England’s lackluster performance vs. the Texans? Was it the argument that the home team hadn’t played any great quarterbacks? Not sure, but it’s safe to say that the two best remaining teams made it to the finals.
The Drive for Five continues vs. Atlanta, with what could be a record-breaking point total for a Super Bowl. Should be a fun one.
Hogan Zeroes In: If anyone thought Chris Hogan would lead the Patriots in receiving, raise your hand and don’t you raise your hand you liar. Hogan ended up with nine catches for 180 yards and two touchdowns. Throughout the night, he received about as much coverage as your average Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. (I promise to cancel that issue, as I’ve gotten old enough where it makes me uncomfortable.) At times, it seemed like either the Steelers underestimated Hogan’s speed or figured someone else would pick him up in their zone. Whatever they were doing, it didn’t work.
The most concise summary of Hogan’s night happened on New England’s second scoring drive, their third possession of the game. Brady found Hogan for four yards at the home team’s 43 on third and one. Next play, Brady audibled, coaxing running back LeGarrette Blount and fullback James Develin to split out, which caused more confusion than a foreign-language version of Inception. Hogan for 26 yards up the left seam. Next play, Hogan for 11 on a curl route. After two Blount runs for four yards total, Brady took the snap, did a couple of Dance Dance Revolution steps to his left, and threw to Hogan in the back of the end zone, wide open as a prairie. That made four catches for 57 yards for the receiver on that drive alone, staking the home team to a 10-0 first-quarter lead. Hogan’s second TD came midway through the second quarter on a flea-flicker for a 17-6 advantage.
By the way, you can watch all game highlights here.
The Un-synch-able Maudlin Brown: Safe to say that Pittsburgh’s Antonio Brown wasn’t happy Sunday night. The Patriots focused on shutting down Brown and keeping him out of rhythm. They did a solid job of it, holding the best receiver in the AFC to seven receptions for 77 yards and zero touchdowns. The attention that cornerback Malcolm Butler and safety Devin McCourty paid Brown forced Ben Roethlisberger to seek out other pass-catchers, none of whom seemed up to the task for four full quarters. Eli Rogers did some damage underneath, hauling in six passes for 66 yards, but others seemed to wilt like those flowers that you bought for that thing but of course you forgot them in the car. Sammie Coates missed a bomb down the left sideline on Pittsburgh’s opening drive, then failed to gather in a would-be diving touchdown catch at the end of the third. Cobi Hamilton’s presumed touchdown catch was called back because he accidentally went out of bounds. He also missed a pass in the end zone at the end of the first half. Even Rogers himself fumbled when stripped of the ball by linebacker Kyle Van Noy near the end of the third quarter. Rough day for the young receivers.
Not A “Drop The Mike” Moment: Listen, Tomlin has earned the respect of the league with his coaching. In 10 years in Pittsburgh, he has a 103-57 record and a Super Bowl win. So, I guess the question is, why couldn’t he get his team in a better position to beat New England? Brady has a record of high production vs. the Steelers (6-1 since 2007; 22 TDs, zero INTs); it’s apparent that their zone schemes do not work against him. Afterward, Tomlin got asked a specific question about 2012, where Pittsburgh’s press man coverage seemed to give him trouble. (You can read transcripts of post-game interviews here, courtesy of patriots.com.) The reporter was probably referring to 2011, when New England lost at Pittsburgh, 25-17. Tomlin responded, “We stand by what we did in the game. We just didn’t do it well enough.”
Didn’t do what well enough? Execute a flawed game plan? Seems like a weird, overly political response. Doesn’t seem too tough to say, Yeah, if we could do it over again, we’d probably try to play more press man and blitz their QB up the middle. It’s been talked about in the media this week, but the mantra of “We do what we do” only works if what you do is effective. Otherwise, you’re just Wile E. Coyote convincing yourself that, despite results, you’re a super genius.
The other quote of note on this topic arose from safety Mike Mitchell’s reply to a question about the flea-flicker that Brady converted for Hogan’s second TD. Mitchell said, “It’s a good play. We hadn’t seen it.” Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hadn’t seen it? What about on “Monday Night Football” vs. the Ravens last month? Mitchell added, “We were expecting some type of trick plays,” but he hadn’t seen a flea-flicker? That wasn’t on the docket? Linebacker Bud Dupree said that the home team’s use of no-huddle on offense “caught us off guard” (courtesy Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.) The Pats also used a lot of hurry-up offense vs. Baltimore. In terms of film study, we’re talking about going back a little over a month to watch a game featuring an AFC North Division opponent. They wouldn’t even have to fast-forward through commercials. That apparent lack of preparation just seems odd.
A Run ‘N’ They’re Stalking: The Steelers do deserve praise for their run defense through most of three quarters (a little like fixing a window when your house is underwater, but still). New England did less on the ground than a helium balloon, failing to produce much until they had a comfortable lead. At one point in the third quarter, Blount had carried seven times for three yards. Pittsburgh shot linebackers up the middle, with human ninja star Ryan Shazier compiling seven tackles and loping scythe Lawrence Timmons wreaking his share of havoc with 14 stops. They also did a solid job with one-on-one battles along the line, as avalanche Stephon Tuitt and tsunami Jason Hargrave (five tackles) dropped Blount and Dion Lewis for losses.
That Rush Was Scrum-ptious: With the above paragraph in mind, Blount’s 18-yard run with 3:21 remaining in the third quarter provided the largest surprise of the night and put its signature on the back of this game’s envelope. From the 19, Blount scooted left and fired forward, first making contact with Mitchell at the nine-yard line. He stopped for half a second, seeming to re-adjust his pad level, and started grinding out yards (replay here). No fewer than four Steelers joined the fray at the six, but Blount kept his legs churning. New England’s Mitchell started to push the pile forward from the left side; he was joined by most of the offensive line and a few receivers as two more Steelers stuck their heads into the scrum. This massive man-amoeba undulated to the one-yard line. On the next play, a fired-up Blount went over the goal line, making it 27-9, home team, with 2:44 left in the third.
It’s tough to point to any one play and say, that’s the one that settled this thing, but New England gained palpable momentum out of this run. Van Noy stripped Rogers on Pittsburgh’s next offensive play, leading to the Patriots’ second TD in just over one minute of playing time, a touchdown pass to Edelman.
Finding A Julian The Rough: If not for Hogan’s Model-T-level production, Edelman would be getting a lot more notice. Tom’s typical go-to guy tallied eight catches for 118 yards and one touchdown. He converted a third-and-10 on the flea-flicker drive. (FleaFlicker Drive, by the way, a great title for an independent film about an eccentric Southern woman who swears she has hundreds of hand-written letters from William Faulkner. Will the rest of the town believe her? And, in the end, does that really matter?) He notched about 10 yards-after-catch (YAC) near the sideline in the fourth, on the drive that resulted in his own TD. It was a better-than-average day for a better-than-average receiver.
Valentine Delivered: No bigger series in the game than New England’s goal-line stand at the end of the first half, the home team leading 17-6. Steelers tight end Jesse James appeared to shoot his way in (ugh) for a 20-yard touchdown catch-and-run, but replay showed that safeties Patrick Chung and Duron Harmon got him down at about the half-foot line. No score, but first and goal for Pittsburgh with 1:53 to play in the first half.
On first down, the D-line did their job, with Jabaal Sheard and Trey Flowers slicing in from their right side toward the center. This slant freed up space for linebackers Shea McClellin, Elandon Roberts, and Dont’a Hightower to fill the gaps. (Amazing to watch Roberts and Hightower start the play seven yards deep in the end zone. Dudes built up more momentum than otters down a ski jump.) Chung sprinted in from the defensive left and hustled down the line to help wrap up DeAngelo Williams for a one-yard loss.
Second down and goal from the two. This time, linebacker Roberts hurried up to the line pre-snap and blitzed the offensive left A gap (between the center and guard). A second handoff to Williams. Roberts’ presence seemed to pull some attention from the right side of the O-line. This in turn appeared to force a one-on-one matchup with Patriots tackle Alan Branch, who swatted aside his blocker. Meanwhile, rookie Vincent Valentine catapulted himself through the hole left by the pulling guard and smothered Williams like mole sauce on chicken flautas. Minus-three yards.
Third and goal from the five, a weakly executed pick play to Rogers resulted in an incompletion. The pass had little chance of scoring anyway, as cornerback Eric Rowe was in position to tackle him at the three. Pittsburgh settled for a field goal, leaving New England with a 17-9 lead at the half.
Stand In The Place Where You Live: The Pats had another strong stand early in the fourth, keeping the Steelers out of the end zone on four tries (though they got help from Hamilton’s poorly-placed feet going out of bounds before a would-be TD catch). This didn’t get as much attention because the score was 33-9, but it showed the team’s ability to stay focused throughout the contest. On fourth and goal from the two, Pittsburgh went back to Hamilton on a fade that was broken up by Logan Ryan. Here’s where the injury to running back Le’Veon Bell made a difference, as Williams’ previous two rushes had only netted four yards, making it preferable to try a pass play on fourth down.
The Quick Frown Fox: Just one note on the Fox broadcast of the NFC title game between the Packers and the Falcons. They had comedians Jeff Ross and Rob Riggle face off in a so-called “Roast Battle,” with each representing a team (it really doesn’t matter who roasted whom). This two minutes of screen time contained about as much humor as the beginning of Nirvana’s “Heart Shaped Box” video. I found it disconcerting that these two performers – whose work I typically enjoy, by the way – could feel confident in that material. It said a lot that they had to hire actors to dress up like an engaged crowd. I would have had more fun at the State Department of Health getting a death certificate. I’m linking to the video here. If you can get through it without pausing, groaning, or wincing, you’re a stronger person than I.
Could Be Sharper: Not a bad broadcast by CBS, but, as always, we have a few nits to pick. Let’s start with some replays we would have liked to see.
• With 13:10 left in the second quarter, trainers started looking at Patriots defender Flowers. CBS went straight to commercial and never showed us a replay of what happened to him.
• At the 2:15 mark of the second, Hamilton seemed to mishandle what looked like an easy six points on a 21-yard pass into the end zone with Rowe in coverage. Phil Simms and Jim Nantz called it a drop on the replay, but both camera angles showed the attempted catch from behind, concealing the football from view. These perspectives meant that Hamilton’s torso shielded what, if anything, Rowe’s hand may have done to break up the pass. An end zone shot would have cleared that up.
• Surprising that CBS decided not to replay the first rush attempt of New England’s goal-line stand at the end of the first half. Stopping the Steelers cold on the one-foot line deserved a second look (and third, from the end zone cameras, say).
• Late in the third quarter, Coates dove for a potential touchdown reception but came up empty. As with the Hamilton incompletion, we got replays from basically the same angle as the live shot. The lack of a view from the end zone made it difficult to tell how close Coates came to getting his hands around the football.
• At 10:36 of the fourth quarter, Edelman complained about getting held after a third-down incompletion (the pass was just out of his reach). Did he have a legitimate argument? Sure. Or not. We don’t know.
• With 7:18 remaining in the game, Steelers defender James Harrison was called offsides, with the referee adding that he didn’t get off the field in time. Note to CBS and all NFL broadcasters: few things in football are more entertaining than watching replay of a 12th defender failing to get to the sideline before the snap. It is to an NFL game what a “Yakety Sax” chase sequence was to “Benny Hill.”
Now, for the commentator-based miscues…
• On the replay of Williams’ rushing TD, Simms said, “It’s gonna be close.” I couldn’t see anything close about the play. Williams may have lost control of the ball after it was already halfway across the end line. This seemed like a situation where the commercial was coming up and Simms felt like he had to say something. He would have been better off with “Football’s neat-o. We’ll be right back!”
• Nantz said that Chris Boswell’s PAT miss was his first of the year, then did that thing when you know someone is yelling into his earpiece, correcting himself with a hurried, “Second time this post-season!”
• During Coates’ diving reception attempt mentioned above, Simms was talking about the Rutgers-Foxboro connection and didn’t really discuss the replay. Would have helped if he could have put the Scarlet Knights aside for 10 seconds to comment on how close Coates came to six points.
• Before the half, Simms said that the story of the game was Brady’s third-down conversion rate, completely ignoring the fact that Roethlisberger (16 of 22, 136 yards) wasn’t exactly soiling the sheets.
• Way, way too much confusion on the challenge to the Brady fumble early in the third quarter. Nothing in the replay was going to overturn the call of no clear recovery by Pittsburgh. Instead, Simms and Nantz went back and forth, at first not even sure if Tomlin could challenge it. A straightforward play that became much less so. Might have helped to put Tracy Wolfson on the case. Not always sure if sideline reporters are necessary, but Wolfson makes a solid case for their existence.
And, as always, a couple of kudos: After Brady opened the game four-for-four, Simms said, “I’m not surprised by this at all,” and he had earned that comment in his pre-game preview, pointing out that Brady loved to face the Steelers’ defense, hit short passes against zone, and let his receivers pile up YAC. Also, kudos to CBS for staying in Foxboro and avoiding going to commercial during the home team’s goal-line stand at the end of the first half. That decision really helped viewers monitor the pulse of the game and made for a better home experience.
On The Hunt: I miss the old Lamar Hunt Trophy for the AFC Championship, and I don’t believe I’m alone. Take a look at this photo of Coach Belichick holding the trophy in 2005. He’s carrying it the way a librarian would handle the Gutenberg Bible. (Keep your Police Academy jokes to yourself.) Compare that to his actions at the post-game ceremony Sunday night, where Belichick grabbed the new trophy with all the reverence of swiping a six-pack of ‘Gansett off a shelf. The old one had heft and a sense of significance. The new one has a Christmas ornament vibe. Like, a nice ornament that your cousin’s second wife got you because she didn’t really know you yet, but you know what I mean.
Jones Jet: Great special teams day from Jonathan Jones. He made the tackle on New England’s first kickoff. He had a gasp-inducing hit at the 15-yard line on a kickoff later in the first quarter (with help from Nate Ebner). He also made a shoestring tackle with 10:30 remaining in the game, helping punter Ryan Allen net 58 yards. The undrafted rookie has continued to make his case for permanent status on the game-day roster.
You Goth To Be Kidding: People should know when they are conquered. Look, I get the whole “never give up” ideal, but Tomlin calling a timeout with 2:44 left in the game accomplished what, exactly? They were down four scores. They didn’t have the ball. All they did was buy more time for their offense to sit on the bench and stare into the void, as if they were auditioning for a community theater version of Christopher Walken’s role in The Deer Hunter. Again, I get it: keep fighting. But also, figure out when to call it a day.
King Kong Doesn’t Have A Darn Thing On This Guy Right Here: Okay, so CBS is going to take a shot at “Training Day,” with Bill Paxton in the Denzel Washington role. Hmph. Mixed reaction to this. While it seems like a solid idea to bring a gritty cop drama to the small screen, the trailer shows us the shortcomings of this venture. I enjoy Paxton as an actor, and highly recommend watching his turn as a small town police chief in One False Move. Still, when he’s stuck with lines like “You wanna fight monsters, Kyle? Then you sure as hell better be willing to become one yourself,” a Nietzschean reference for prime time that he makes right after a Wizard of Oz allusion, it’s hard to take what’s supposed to be a serious role all that seriously.
Three other aspects of the show won’t help: the lack of harsh language allowed (probably a few “Let’s get those motherflippers!” et al); the perceived glib manner with which Paxton’s character breaks the law (whereas Washington went about his tasks with steely determination); and the newcomer actor (Justin Cornwell) as trainee, who will have a tough time living up to the earnestness that Ethan Hawke displayed in the movie.
Sometimes casting doesn’t work. You’re not going to see Denzel Washington in a remake of the “Fish Heads” video.
Also on CBS? Apparently a show where someone asks, “You guys were aroused, right?” Seems unnecessary – even desperate – for a halftime sitcom promo, CBS. Maybe funny in context of the show (probably not), but not something I want my child – or, frankly, any child – to hear while watching a football game in early prime time. I know I sound prudish, but to hell with it: save your clumsy sex comments for your sitcoms and keep them away from football when a younger demographic might be watching.
Fields Of Fire: I touched upon this subject after viewing Rob Gronkowski ads post back injury. At what point do you pull an ad involving a player who’s not playing anymore? This must have been a tough call with Aaron Rodgers’ State Farm commercial, because before this past Sunday he was playing like a cartoon character, avoiding falling from great heights because he wasn’t bothering to look down and realize he was walking on air. When the ad in question has his receiver proclaiming his stuff is on fire, and it ends with everything he owns literally going up in flames, maybe it’s not a good look after a rough loss. Something to think about, State Farm people.
Have A Great Fall: That Turbotax Humpty Dumpty ad is a bit too realistic, no? When all the king’s men rush to Humpty’s aid, we see that he has giant, real human eyes searching frantically for help as he coughs up yolk blood. It’s like Mother Goose meets Reservoir Dogs. Plus, he falls because he’s doing his taxes on his phone. They should have an ad when a twenty-something does his taxes while driving. You can hurt yourself using our product! Try it!
The Rabid And The Hair: Boy, Duracell really went all-in on the ear hair ad. Their point is that, if you qualify as hirsute in the aural area, you can’t trust all of your friends and co-workers to avoid obsessing over it, but you can trust Duracell batteries to make sure your hair trimmer works. This is yet another commercial where I would have loved to attend the pitch meeting.
“Well, we’ve polled our customers, and an inordinate amount of them have disgusting amounts of ear hair. Like, freakish. So, let’s remind them of that and how they feel ostracized!”
The irony of this off-putting idea arises from the fact that my first thought for an alternative campaign was showing the importance of batteries in children’s toys. Hey, look: they’ve already done this. “Duracell Express Saves Christmas” is a 90-second mini-doc about a Christmas Eve service where Duracell employees hand-delivered “one ton” of batteries throughout the Midwest. How many batteries are in a ton? Who cares? This could have easily been cut up into a couple of 30-second spots, because no god damn ear hair.
Mother of Pearl. Do I have to do everything for you ad people?
Bah-Da-Bah-BAH-Bah, I’m Fine With It: Ending our ad criticism on a far sweeter note, I’m a fan of the young woman in the McCafé commercial, not just for the fact that she looks lovely, but because she’s a good enough actor to almost convince me she’s really drinking coffee and not just pretending to sip from an empty cup. The fact that actors drink air out of coffee cups – and, more often than not, look like it – is a slap in the face to viewers and to the precise object work of the late, great Jerry Orbach, who would actually take the lid off the cup and blow on phantom coffee before leaning in for a tentative sip. Dedication, my friends.
The Patriots joined the NFL in 1970 during the AFL/NFL merger. From 1970 to 2000, the franchise played in two Super Bowls, losing both. From 2001 to 2015, New England made six Super Bowls, winning four. Now they’re back in the big game. It’s a pretty good time to be a Patriots fan. Some local media don’t seem to appreciate this era. (I wouldn’t be surprised if, should New England beat Atlanta, The Boston Globe headline will read “Pats Win, But Repeat Unlikely”). Don’t click on them. Do not feed the bears, and maybe they’ll stop coming around and picking through the garbage.
In the meantime, some of the better stuff to review: I think Chad Finn is one of the best writers in sports right now. I haven’t subscribed to the Globe yet, but if I do, it will be because of him. Mike Reiss of ESPN.com is quintessential reading for his consistent, straightforward, up-to-the-minute info. I’m always intrigued with how Chris Price takes more obscure bits of information and provides original views of how the team works (like the obsession he and I share regarding the Patriots and 3-cone drill prowess). Speaking of angles, Mark Daniels of The Providence Journal deserves a look for the creative ways he gets stories out of subjects that are difficult to cover (he’s constantly talking to the people around those players whose one-on-one interviews can prove elusive). And hats off to the CSNNE.com triumvirate of Tom E. Curran, Mike Giardi, and Phil Perry for their insight and entertaining video posts, as well as their podcasts “Quick Slants” and “The Ex-Pats Podcast” that Giardi usually hosts with Dan Koppen and Jerod Mayo.
For radio, it’s worth repeating that Price’s NFL Sunday on WEEI with Pete Shepphard and Jerry Thornton is the best program on that station. Informative, fast, and funny, while avoiding those brain-dead moments that can make your face scrunch up with exasperation. It’s on this week. Price is off to Houston, which will make for intriguing listening considering where the Shepphard/Thornton dynamic might travel.
Next week, some notes on this Saturday’s Senior Bowl and how it might apply to the Pats (the draft is a mere three months away, after all). In the meantime, you can check out last year’s column on how Super Bowl winners in this century have always needed some luck. Enjoy the bye week.
Chris Warner is fighting off what is apparently a lighter version of the flu, which is like having a first-grader instead of Stephen Gostkowski kicking you in the figs: brutally uncomfortable, yet escaping a much, much worse fate. You can email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @cwarn89.
Though they did it with more difficulty than most foresaw, the Patriots defeated the Texans, 34-16, in a hard-fought divisional playoff match. New England advances to the AFC Championship for a record sixth year in a row, taking on Pittsburgh Sunday evening at 6:40.
As someone who predicts these games with all the assurance of a turkey forecasting the weather, forgive me for pointing out that I actually made a decent call on this one in my previous column: “All in all, I would not be shocked at the Patriots grabbing an early lead, then coasting a bit before finishing up strong, much like they did down in Miami.” Pats led 14-3, committed two costly turnovers, and allowed the lead to slip to 14-13. They then nabbed a bunch of turnovers themselves to lead by three scores midway through the fourth quarter.
Isn’t it funny how New England played so hard to get the bye week, yet they came off of that week seeming flat? (Note: the “isn’t it funny?” is from my grandmother, who used to ask that regarding unsettling topics. “Isn’t it funny, Chris, how you never call me?”) Some of the uncharacteristic gaffes included receiver Michael Floyd tipping a pass that was intercepted. Quarterback Tom Brady took the blame on the off-target-yet-catchable throw. The two just looked out-of-synch. Running back Dion Lewis left more balls on the ground than a lazy tennis instructor. And one could argue that defensive back Eric Rowe opened the Pandora’s Box of foolishness by committing an unsportsmanlike penalty midway through the first quarter, ruining what would have been the defense’s third consecutive three-and-out.
After watching the play a couple of times, my opinion wavers. Yes, Rowe pulling someone off the pile qualifies as dumb, but replay showed Texans tight end Ryan Griffin jumping on the pile right in front of Rowe, who seemed like he instinctually reacted. So, dumb, but understandable, kind of like reading an US Weekly when you’re bored. In any case, they got through the ridiculous to reach the sublime.
(I’m just happy it was Griffin and not tight end C. J. Fiedorowicz, because I can not spell that guy’s name.)
Oh, so many numbers surrounding this win. Here’s a favorite: Brady is now 16-3 at home in the playoffs. For comparison, the Kansas City Chiefs have two home playoff wins in franchise history.
Here’s another: Brady’s 22 post-season wins are more than 22 current NFL teams. Another column, another reminder that we should all savor these days with the Patriots. You can believe that, when the time comes, they’ll find another quarterback who can win games, but they will never have another Brady.
This Sunday, anything could happen. It could be a 44-43 barnburner, a 16-15 defensive struggle, or a 34-6 blowout (though my money would lay with the first option). Look for the Steelers to score some points, but expect the Patriots to score just a few more.
If You Can Keep Your Edelman When All About You Are Losing Theirs: Okay, yes, Brady had fewer successful passes than the U.S. Olympic men’s 4X100 relay team (uncanny at this point), but unlike that squad, the quarterback kept getting himself second chances. (Much like the women’s team, one could say.) His first pass of the day went to Julian Edelman for five yards, but give credit to the Texans for shutting down the short stuff faster than a supermodel getting hit on by the Lollipop Guild. (Was that too much? That seemed like too much.) Edelman ended up with eight receptions (expected) for 137 yards (less expected). His 48-yarder at 2:34 of the second quarter marked 70 post-season receptions, setting a Patriots record. He did a great job to help swing momentum in the third, hauling in consecutive 26- and 14-yard passes around the 12-minute mark to add a necessary jolt to New England’s nine-play, 90-yard TD drive and a 24-13 lead.
Brady actually completed six of seven passes for 94 yards on said drive, the extra yardage due to a holding call on tackle Nate Solder that involved about as much contact as my first date. (I took her to see Doctor Detroit. I wish I were making that up.) Edelman even added a run in the fourth quarter, a 12-yard jaunt that qualified as the longest one of the night to that point (Danny Amendola and then LeGarrette Blount would best it with 15- and 18-yard rushes, respectively.) Edelman’s run found success in large part due to tight end Martellus Bennett, who had more blocks than Beacon Street.
Special mention here of Chris Hogan, who tallied 95 yards on just four catches. His early work helped get New England on the board, eliciting a pass interference call from A. J. Bouye for a 30-yard gain, and following that up immediately by gathering in Brady’s 22-yard lofter along the right sideline.
Houston, We Have A Cliché: Against Houston they had a…an issue, we can say, but the idea of a “blueprint” to stop the Patriots’ offense deserves to get thrown out like yesterday’s news. I mean, sure, the Texans played like a house on fire, but in the end, New England stayed as cool as a cucumber, and eventually the cream rose to the top.
My God, that is exhausting. Anyhoo, if your team can rush Brady up the middle with players like Whitney Mercilus and JaDeveon Clowney, drop back seven defenders, and avoid missing tackles in the open field, then, yes, you’re going to do more damage than a bull in a china sh – goddammit.
Put Houston’s Dion Notice: Up-and-down day for Lewis. We’ll focus on a few of the “ups” (and you can watch his highlights here), as his 13-yard catch-and-run TD and kickoff return in the first staked the home team to a 14-3 lead that – as close as it got – made Houston play catch-up for the rest of the night. His one-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter raised the lead to 15 and gave the Pats a little breathing room. On that play, Lewis got popped by Mercilus but managed to slide past him with Vince Wilfork on his back. Lewis gave even better effort on his previous run, a five-yard carry at 12:44 of the fourth. On that play, he managed to slip through two defenders on the left side with all the sneakiness of a pearl earring finding that space between your dresser and the wall.
Also, keep in mind regarding the reception TD that McKinney ran a 4.66 40-yard dash and had a 40.5-inch vertical leap at the 2015 combine. He’s not exactly an old man sporting a hip replacement, there. What’s most impressive is that fullback James Develin’s motion causes the linebackers to shift in the direction of the play, but Lewis’ time-bending hesitation dip-and-dart left McKinney diving for air.
Fun Fact: Lewis became the 25th different receiver of a Brady post-season TD pass. Brady has now played in 32 playoff games. That stat alone contains enough potassium to tide you over for a month, it is so bananas.
Something Of A Phenomenon: Running back James White had a simple stat line with exactly one catch, but he made it count. At 9:09 of the third, White looked to blow away any linebacker in coverage, and McKinney stepped up once again (Don’t do it!), falling behind White as Brady lofted a beaut into the right corner of the end zone. White had zero carries in the game, but he executed well on his one big chance.
David And Goliaths: I don’t know, Davey. Rough day from center David Andrews. He seemed out-matched on a few occasions, surrendering a sack on a spin move from Mercilus and getting absolutely murdered by defensive tackle/shipping container D. J. Reader on the Texans’ goal-line stand at the end of the first half. Andrews looked like a sand pail caught in an ocean wave on the play, as Reader’s backfield disruption stopped a touchdown. While Develin had a block on Clowney and Bennett had Mercilus sealed to the outside, the big tackle forced Blount away from the crease in the defense, forcing him toward Mercilus and safety Eddie Pleasant for no gain. Definitely an area to improve on, execution-wise.
Knights To Remember: Early on, Logan Ryan broke up a third-down pass to Keith Mumphrey to force Houston’s second consecutive three-and-out, setting the tone for New England’s trio of former Rutgers Scarlet Knights to have themselves an impressive playoff game. Midway through the first, Ryan had a sack blitzing from the Texan’s left side that was so well-executed he himself had to take a bow. Devin McCourty broke up a pass in the end zone with such efficiency that he forced a Freaky Friday, making the tight end go into defensive mode as McCourty went up for a sure catch. (That tight end’s name? C. J. Fedorawitch. Sort of.) Each of the three Rutgers alums notched an interception, with Duron Harmon’s sealing the win with 3:13 to go.
The Third Degree: Besides the alums from the Banks of the Raritan, it’s tough to pick out defensive stars in this game because so many seemed to contribute and execute well. One strong indicator of this is Houston’s miserable third-down conversion rate of 18 percent (three of 16). Blame quarterback Brock Osweiler for some of this inefficiency (23 of 40 for 197 yards, one TD, three INT), but certainly the defense deserves some credit here, too. Holding the visitors to field goals after a couple of ugly turnovers made sure the Patriots had the lead at halftime.
Can’t Be Saved: Well, CBS’ broadcast was pretty good overall, capturing the excitement of the crowd, the intensity on the sidelines, and the tension in the game. But do we have some complaints? Heck yes. We’ll begin, as usual, with our list of missed and/or inefficient replays.
• We got a side view, but would have loved an end zone view of Houston’s third-and-one stop on New England’s first possession. Clowney made the hit in the backfield, but how did he get there? Phil Simms credited Wilfork, but trying to tell from the sideline was like trying to read a poster on the opposite subway tracks as the train goes by: wayy too much happening in front of it.
• Like above, we got a full-field, sideline view of the aforementioned first-quarter pass interference call on Bouye grabbing Hogan. That made it tough to discern exactly where the penalty occurred. Again, Simms described it, noting that Bouye put his arm in front of Hogan, but a close-up replay of the two from the end zone would have confirmed it. Makes me wonder what different replays, if any, Simms and Nantz are watching, and if they’re more distinct than what the home viewer gets.
• At 11:49 of the second quarter, defender Jabaal Sheard walked off the field as gingerly as a Schweppes. We never saw what happened.
• After an incomplete pass at 6:43 of the second, Jim Nantz wondered aloud if Texans safety Corey Moore had interfered with Bennett on the play. We were left wondering that, too.
• With about two-and-a-half minutes remaining in the first half, Edelman had a 48-yard reception. While Nantz mentioned a potential push-off by Edelman, on the distant, full-field replay it was difficult to see that. Plus, we missed what may have been a facemask penalty, never getting a closer look.
• At 6:18 of the third quarter, Brady threw a deep incompletion along the left sideline for Edelman, who seemed to get to the ball late. The receiver immediately turned to the refs. Nantz said, “Edelman this time, looking around, to no avail.” Why was he looking? Simms added that the refs were getting a “verbal beating,” yet we never got the opportunity to discern whether or not Edelman had a legitimate gripe.
On a positive note, the end-zone-view replay of Lewis’ kickoff return TD deserves praise. On it, we see Develin and Geneo Grissom push their men to the outside, allowing Lewis more space than you’d give a flighty co-worker right after her boyfriend decided to take that job in Saskatchewan.
Oh, Christ, Janice. I am so sorry. Why not take the rest of the day?
Now, the production/commentator-based mediocrity.
• On-field reporter/Exasperated-Dad-Trying-To-Get-Directions-From-Siri Jay Feely opened his comments with “Special teams played a pivotal role here in Week Three: two kickoff returns for touchdowns, for the Patriots.” Seeming to catch himself (because no one returned a kick for a touchdown in that game) but wanting to gloss over his mistake, he stumbled through, “They caused fumbles, scored 14 points off those fumbles.” Nantz could have corrected Feely, but only said “That (special teams) was a big story here in the Thursday night game, September the 22nd.”
Listen, like a lot of occupations, reporting from the sideline is tougher than it looks. I’m not saying just anyone could do it; all I’m saying is that if you’re going to do it, at least get your opening statement on point.
• Two good grades for sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson. She gave a solid report on Clowney’s post-kickoff-return rant, adding details regarding team-wide reaction. Her best moment of the night happened during one of my least favorite rituals, the grab-the-coach-rushing-to-the-locker-room-at-halftime interview. She asked Coach Bill O’Brien, “What has impressed you most about what you’ve seen here?” an open-ended, more inviting alternative to, “What do you need to see in the second half?”
Of course, after O’Brien answered the first question, Wolfson followed up with, “What do you need to see in the second half?” Ah. So close, Wolfson. Sooo close.
• On Lewis’ kickoff return fumble, Simms obsessed over the idea that Texan Tyler Ervin caused the miscue with a “hard hit,” a phrase Simms repeated three times. On the replay, we can clearly see linebacker Akeem Dent punching the ball out of Lewis’ grip, but Simms remained focused on the hit. Giving Ervin most of the credit was like saying Dereck Whittenburg’s shot won the championship.
• With 19 seconds left in the half, it was third down New England at the one-yard line. When the home team called a timeout, Simms said, “I’m pretty sure they’re going to go for a touchdown here.” He then corrected himself, “Well, it’s third down. Of course they’ll go.”
Janice? Seriously? Just go home.
• During a replay of the rush on Osweiler that forced an incomplete pass at 6:01 of the fourth quarter, Simms talked up defender Chris Long’s hit on the QB. As we watched, we could see linebacker Kyle Van Noy swatting the pass as Osweiler released it.
Mentions of Long: Five. Mentions of Van Noy: Zero.
• Maybe the least efficient work of the night occurred during some odd officiating with a little over two minutes left in the third quarter. Linebacker Shea McClellin smacked Osweiler on the arm, causing an incomplete pass that rolled several yards downfield. For whatever reason, the referees failed to blow the play dead, resulting in an alert Patrick Chung recovering the “fumble” and returning it for a let’s-enjoy-this-before-it’s-overturned TD. CBS cameras went away from field action for a few seconds, forcing them to hurry back once Chung neared the goal line. Neither Nantz nor Simms did a great job explaining what had happened; viewers were left to piece the action together via replays on the hit itself. The announcers should have been more on top of that one from the start, especially considering a) the lack of a whistle, and b) Chung’s immediate reaction to pounce on the football. As both Nantz and Simms noted after the play, “Chaos.”
• After Osweiler’s final interception (the one to Harmon), the QB seemed to lose his cool, gesticulating downfield, protesting like I do when I watch Negan on “The Walking Dead.” If you’re going to bring in this awful character, act least diverge from the plot of the comic!
Though the play looked like an overthrow to his tight end (Griffin, not the other one), Osweiler seemed less mad at himself than a physical mistake would warrant. Was he upset with Griffin, or did he feel like safety Chung interfered on the play? CBS showed replays, but nothing from the end zone to get a solid review of any contact. No one in the booth commented on Osweiler’s reaction or what could have instigated it. A few plays later, a sideline shot revealed him still steaming.
(By the way, Safety Chung might be the best name for an ’80s cover band, ever.)
• This isn’t a CBS thing as much as an all-out football coverage deal, but I for one don’t care to see the opposing team’s player responsible for turnovers or extended drives after a score. For example, when Houston cut the lead to 7-3 on a Nick Novak field goal, the ball had barely dropped out of the net when the producers went to Rowe sitting on the sideline, talking with Harmon. My appetite for schadenfreude has some heft, but even I don’t enjoy watching, say, Osweiler after New England’s final TD (set up by his second interception).
I mean, what if we cut to that guy and he’s beating the hell out of himself like the protagonist from Fight Club? It could happen.
The exception to the No Schadenfreude Rule? Coaches. I’m a Larry Izzo fan, but the look on the special teams coach’s face following Lewis’ kickoff return had to be shared.
Ain’t That A Shane: Kudos to CBS for the fun fact that Texans punter Shane Lechler got drafted in the fifth round in 2000, the same year Brady got drafted in the sixth. Selected by the Raiders, by the way. Solid pick. Lechler is the Tom Brady of punters.
Can You Please Spell Out Which Night It Is? Really, CBS? Going into commercial playing the Bay City Rollers’ “Saturday Night?” That’s good enough for me and my lame references, but you guys have got to come up with a more recent song describing one of the most fun nights of the week. Have you called Yusuf Islam?
Brock Of Ages: So, um, based on his four-year, $72 million contract with $37 million guaranteed, the Texans have quarterback Osweiler on the roster for a bit. Is he salvageable? I’d say so. I mean, New England made some solid plays on defense, and Osweiler’s receivers didn’t always provide the most help. On McCourty’s interception, the safety showed the range and honing-in skills of an orca, traveling several yards to cut in front of the pass. Granted, with Osweiler’s wind-up, his throws take about as long to develop as the Basilica de la Sagrada Familia, so he’s still a work in progress in some ways. Should be interesting to see what Coach O’Brien does with him next year.
Where There’s A Will There’s A Whoa! Okay, Osweiler performed about as well as a wet cell phone inside a bank vault, but that drop by receiver Will Fuller did a lot of damage. The QB missed Fuller on a slant with 10:21 to go in the first that could have gotten several yards, if not a first down. Between that drop and the mishandling of a catchable pass by tight end C. J. Fetasandwich (oh God it’s getting worse), Osweiler’s numbers could have looked a lot better.
Maybe Not Great, But Good Scott: Not always a fan of Bart Scott on the CBS football panel, but I enjoyed his intro to his pre-game prediction. Being a former Jet, he had to bring up their 2010 playoff upset of the Patriots and how the regular season means nothing. He hit the landing, however, by adding, “that being said, Patriots, 42-17.”
Psycho Killer: As much as I enjoy the references from AT&T’s data free phone ad, I can’t help thinking that this guy galumphing around the city watching shows on his phone is a bit of a tool. I mean, can’t we just walk down the street for one minute without escaping into whatever world is portrayed on our tiny screens? Also, do we need a Psycho reference? Are we watching this guy have some kind of a breakdown? I’d rather see him passing his time checking his shows while sitting on the bus, then watching where he’s going strolling around NYC. People get hurt that way.
Dancing On The Ceiling: I’m a fan of the new Airpods on iPhone 7 ad with the protagonist dancing on walls and ceilings to a song called “Down” by Marian Hill. Though I have to say I hate earbuds because my ear canals are too small for them. It’s like trying to fit a football inside a Funyun.
Is that too personal? I feel like that got wicked personal all of a sudden.
But Someone Might Out-Good Them: As addressed in previous columns, I’m a pizza snob. Living not too far from New York City and within driving distance of one of the most highly-acclaimed pizza restaurants in the country has made me that way. Well, maybe it’s time for a change, because apparently, “No one out-pizzas the Hut.” It’s only a mildly annoying slogan that jumps on the tired premise of turning a noun into a verb. Sure, it looks just like frozen pizza, but it has, apparently, out-pizza’d everybody else.
I will start using versions of that slogan in my everyday life, though: “This morning, no one shall out-oatmeal me!” “I’m gonna sandwich the hell out of this lunch!”
A Light At The End Of The Tumble: Those Michelob Ultra ads are hilarious. Working out like a crazy person so you can enjoy a 95-calorie beer? At that point, how’s about a little seltzer with a splash of cran and a lime? Is drinking Pink Floyd Tribute Band Beer (an ode to Waters) really worth it? Hard to say. Also, considering the fact “ultra” means “extreme,” I’m not sure how that name fits. It seems like true “ultra” beer would just be a jagged tin can full of grain alcohol.
Michelob Ultra: Now punch me in the face!
The Patriots’ extreme journey to Super Bowl 51 continues. See you next week.
Chris Warner believes that a football-based version of Utimate would attract millions of fans. His email is email@example.com; Twitter: @cwarn89
The lack of excitement surrounding New England’s playoff premiere seems a little … weird? Looking at both teams, the Patriots should win their tilt with Houston Saturday night. Plenty of statistical evidence backs them up, from their win over the Texans in Week Three, to the addition of Tom Brady since then, to the Space City’s winless record in Foxboro.
You know, if Julian Edelman and Danny Amendola had flown down to Miami during the bye week, there would be more to talk about. But there’s no reason to think that the Patriots are looking past Saturday.
That said, a certain Boston writer (whose name sounds a lot like “Man? Honestly”) insists the Patriots are not legitimately good because they have played a series of tomato cans. First off, I think the use of that reference speaks to the relative freshness of this writer’s work. Secondly – and those five or six of you who read this column on a regular basis might be sick of this, but it’s worth repeating – this is the Platinum Patriots Era. With everything that is geared toward making top teams fade in the NFL, from last draft pick to last waiver-wire choice to toughest opponents filling out schedules, the fact that the Patriots have won at least nine games every year since 2001 deserves respect.
The most bothersome aspect about this negative line of thinking is that we didn’t use to feel this way. Back in 1986, the Celtics were on the verge of winning their third championship in six seasons. Michael Madden of The Boston Globe described the team this way (note the 1980s-appropriate Spenser reference):
“Simply, these Celtics are a whole level above their opponents. You have to search diligently to find a loss, but, just as important, Spenser would have to be hired to turn up even a close game, the Celtics’ dominance is so total. These Celtics are winning but they are also winning completely, more so than any of their predecessors. Havlicek may have stolen the ball, Don Nelson may have bounced a jumper in off the back rim and Sam Jones skimmed one off the glass, but all those were in the final seconds — the games these Celtics play are over in the third quarter.”
Madden continued, pointing out two specific players:
“Boston has two offensive players – Larry Bird and Kevin McHale – who are nigh unstoppable, and no Celtic team of the ’50s or ’60s had even one unstoppable offensive player. The Celtics of the first glory years had one totally dominant defensive player in Russell, but these Celtics, despite Bird’s defensive shortcomings, may play the best team defense of all Boston teams. This Celtic team is without a weakness, a complete team.”
Keep in mind, this was printed on May 31, 1986, when the Celtics led the Rockets two games to none in the NBA Finals. Boston wouldn’t wrap it up until running away with Game Six on June 8, but, over a week earlier, Madden had no hesitation calling Boston the best basketball team.
The Celtics won three championships during Larry Bird’s 13-year tenure. The Patriots have won four titles in Tom Brady’s 17-year career. Is it too much to ask that the Patriots get their due respect? I’m not demanding any fawning or proclamations of infallibility. Just show me that you understand this is an exceptional team on a remarkable run. Start there, then nitpick all you want. And for God’s sake, think up another phrase. “Tomato can” isn’t even correct: football isn’t like boxing, where the best fighters can choose to take on inferior opponents. Work a little.
Some notes on last weekend’s games and other events:
Houston, We Have No Problem: The Texans looked solid taking on the Raiders, but level of stability could change with a little snow on the ground and a lot of Brady in the air. Houston held rookie QB Connor Cook to 18 of 45 passing for 161 yards and one TD, while also limiting Oakland to 64 yards rushing as a team. In the regular season, Houston had the number-one ranked defense in terms of yards allowed, giving up a mere 301 per contest. Should be interesting, especially because of the below observation.
We’re Number One, I Guess? Houston’s defense is ranked number one. So is New England’s. So is Denver’s. Defensive rankings are like TV ratings: find the right category (or demographic), and you can rule the day. Houston gives up the fewest yards; New England gives up the fewest points (15.6 per game); Denver gives up the fewest yards per play (4.7). If “wings eaten during a game” were a defensive stat, I’d have a chance to get on there.
Positive for the Texans? They limit their opponents, yards-wise. Negative? Opponents generally had fewer yards to cover due to great field position that Houston’s mediocre special teams afforded them.
All in all, I would not be shocked at the Patriots grabbing an early lead, then coasting a bit before finishing up strong, much like they did down in Miami. We shall see.
Going To Brown Town: Am I using that phrase right? I don’t think I’m using that phrase right. Anyway, Miami had no answer for Pittsburgh receiver Antonio Brown, who scored on a 50-yard catch-and-run within the first four minutes and added a 62-yard beauty under six minutes later. At that point, quarterback Ben Roethlisberger had completed all seven of his passes for 162 yards and two touchdowns. The Dolphins tried to make a go of it, but costly turnovers by QB Matt Moore kept the visitors from getting any closer than 20-6 at the half, eventually falling 30-12. (Moore gets credit for playing through what was either a concussion or an out-of-body experience after this how-ya-doin’ from linebacker/Lennie from Of Mice And Men “I didn’t mean no harm, George” Al Dupree).
Go Fourth And Prosper: Trailing 20-3 with 11 minutes left in the first half, Miami got into punt formation on fourth and one from their own 41. This seemed like an overly conservative choice, until Coach Adam Gase called for a fake punt and converted on a direct snap up the middle. Ten plays later, Miami scored a field goal. Not the greatest payoff, but keeping the drive going kept Pittsburgh off the field and finally got the visitors within two scores.
This is a roundabout way of saying that I like Gase as a coach. Seems to adjust well during games and get the most out of his players. And, unlike a former AFC East coach whose name rhymes with Tex Mayan, he doesn’t seem to talk himself up too much. This one might be around for a while.
Go Fourth And Prosper? Hey, Coach Mike McCarthy? You’ve got to pick your battles. In the third quarter, if you’re up 14-6 at your own 42-yard line, and you just got stopped for no gain on third and one, maybe don’t try another run into the teeth of the Giants’ defense? Because then you’ll lose a yard, fire up the Giants, and watch Eli Manning chuck a 41-yard scoring pass to diminish your lead to 14-13.
I mean, I understand that at that juncture, scoring points was only slightly less arduous than doggy-paddling through a pool of lukewarm jell-o; still, know where you are on the field and do a quick cost-benefit analysis, there.
Aaron It Out: Of course, thanks to Aaron Rodgers, the Packers managed to pull away in the second half and win 38-13. This was due in part to the Green Bay offensive line, and to Rodger’s innate ability to buy himself extra time in the pocket. In certain moments he looked like one of those fictional characters who can move so fast everyone else freezes, like Marvel’s Yo-Yo Rodriguez or Hammy the Squirrel from “Over the Hedge.” (Sometimes the unrepentant vagueness of my own references saddens me.) So, yeah, the Hail Mary was pretty cool for the Pack going into halftime, but Rodgers’ second-half prowess made the difference.
Feat Of Clay: Packers linebacker Clay Matthews had himself a stud-worthy play in the fourth quarter, sacking Manning for a seven-yard loss, causing a fumble, and chasing the rolling football 15 yards down the field to recover it while 20 other players stood and watched (teammate Julius Peppers gave chase, as you can see in this replay).
The Lions Share: I guess the Lions played the Seahawks, and the Seahawks looked good? That happened? Hard to remember at this point. Kudos to the Seahawks front office for their ability to find quality rookie free agents. They actually opened the 2016 season with 24 UDFAs on their 53-man roster. And I thought the Patriots were rocking it with eight. Seattle appears to have reached their “playing well at the right moment” phase of the season. That defense against the Falcons’ offense in Atlanta should be fun to watch.
Simm-er Down: Focusing on the CBS broadcast of the Miami-Pittsburgh game, let’s review a trifecta of gems from color analyst Phil Simms.
• On Miami receiver Kenny Stills’ 36-yard reception: “It was a out-and-up by Stills, and it catches them off-guard. It didn’t catch them off-guard, but you’re thinking, ‘Oh, they’re going to throw something short.'”
So, it kinda caught them off-guard, then, Phil?
• On a crowd shot in Heinz Field: “Those Miami fans, they’re more buttoned up than the Steelers fans, I think.”
Nope. Without various hats, scarves, and coats in team colors, it would have been impossible to tell who was who. Everyone is equally miserable in 17-degree, my-skin-feels-like-turkey-jerky weather. (Except for Wim Hof, aka “The Ice Man,” aka “What In The Hell Is This Guy Thinking?“)
• On Lippett jumping over the top of the center, committing encroachment on a Steelers field goal attempt near the end of the third quarter: “Could be a game-breaker.”
That was the game-breaker? Pittsburgh led 23-6. I thought Brown’s second TD of the first quarter was the game-breaker.
For more of Simms and Jim Nantz, tune in to see the Patriots host the Texans at 8:15 p.m. Saturday. Feel free to compile your own list of Simmsisms at home.
Fret-A-Porter: Imagine being Pittsburgh outside linebackers coach Joey Porter. Your team wins a wild card game over Miami. You go out to celebrate. Then you get into a drunken, physical altercation with a bouncer and an off-duty police officer, get charged with aggravated assault (among other things), and go to jail until you get released on bail the next morning.
I mean, Porter played for the Steelers for seven seasons (1999-2006). As a coach during last year’s playoffs, he made a sneaky-savvy move of going onto the field and eliciting a reaction from Bengals cornerback Pacman Jones, who committed a penalty that swung the game in Pittsburgh’s favor. (Funny how I remember the offending Bengal as looney linebacker – loonbacker? – Vontaze Burfict). Any Steeler with a semi-normal temperament would feel welcome at any bar in the area, but Porter’s such a huge hump that he was denied entry and, instead of just walking away, tried to lay hands on the bouncer. It really says something when your hometown fans aren’t willing to sweep your stupidity under the rug.
A Giant Rumor: From a boat ride in Miami to a plane ride from Green Bay. Did the Giants force a plane delay when their aircraft required two extra hours of cleaning, according to multiple reports? Team commentator and former player Carl Banks refuted the rumors on Twitter, but United Airlines has yet to confirm the story either way.
One quick question: Doesn’t Giants owner John Mara have his own plane? He must, right? Isn’t that, like, the NFL owners’ equivalent of a membership card? Seems like he could fly his team to Wisconsin if he wanted. In any case, with boats and planes checked off, the New York media has an ongoing off-season transportation topic to tackle whenever they feel like it: “What’s Next? A Rickshaw?”
No Fees On Me: There is no more disconcerting ad on television than T-Mobile’s “You’ve Got Fees” campaign, where parents pick through their children’s hair to find crawly text declaring certain phone fees. (Can’t find a link for it, and don’t really want to.) This kind of commercial can work, but only if you associate the bad, uncomfortable thing with other, specific companies that are not your own. Now, whenever I think of T-Mobile, I’m thinking of head lice. Probably not what they intended.
Stop Your Messing Around: I’ve reached an age where the music of my youth is seen as – what? Wistful? Comforting? Not sure, but I enjoyed listening to the Specials’ “A Message To Rudy” during a recent Fidelity ad. Why not? I appreciate my favorite bands holding out (Talking Heads reportedly refused to sell “Once In A Lifetime” to Rolling Rock beer, who had the slogan “Same as it ever was”), but after 30 years, hey, Bands of My Youth, go get yourselves some cash.
Hit The Road: Here’s a fact I learned today – the word “chevy” can mean “to nag or torment.” That’s about where we are with the recent Chevrolet ad campaign, where a snarky, bearded hipster in a suit (no tie, because he’s relaxed and approachable, folks!) talks about awards from something called J. D. Power (an outfit that wants to “amplify the voice of the consumer,” apparently). I wish I could experience half as much enjoyment out of small surprises as this group of non-actors does every time a new car gets revealed.
Guy: But guess what? In addition to this year, Chevy also won the J. D. Power award last year. (Wall slides back to show line of Chevrolets.)
People: What? Wow! That’s amazing!
Guy: Aaaaand the year before that! (More walls, more Chevy cars.)
People: Oh my God! A CHEVY?!? Why, it’s like I’ve never seen a car before!!
You know what, Chevy? Start advertising the Bolt. It’s an electric car with 238 miles of range. That should elicit some surprise.
People: It’s electric? Oh, Oh, OH SWEET BABY JESUS IN A BLANKET! DOES J. D. POWER KNOW ABOUT THIS?!?
Au Revoir, Detroit: The word “detroit” is apparently French for “strait” (I am learning all sorts of trivia today), and unfortunately Detroit went straight out of the playoffs after their loss to Seattle. I say “unfortunately” because the Lions have the largest collection of players I interviewed before they were drafted (a whopping three). While writing for Patriots Daily in 2009 and 2010, I interviewed college players prepping for the NFL draft, all with the Patriots in mind. My record was shabby: out of about 50 players interviewed, none came to New England. However, some of them have done quite well, and I still believe at least a few should have ended up in Foxboro.
Here’s a list of the players on playoff teams who took the time to talk to me oh-so-many years ago:
Dolphins: Koa Misi, Utah DE (between him and Paul Kruger the year before, I had a crush on Utah ends).
Steelers: Arthur Moats, James Madison OLB (One of my favorite Q&As. He met with New England staff, and also had a notable interview with the Redskins); Antonio Brown, Central Michigan WR (oh, if only, Patriots. If. Only.).
Vikings: (I know, I know, they didn’t make the playoffs. But I’m taking the liberty, here …) Everson Griffen, USC DE (where I clumsily bring up an unfortunate incident on Nantucket); Linval Joseph, East Carolina DL (where I make a hilarious mistake regarding his country of origin).
Atlas F*&kin’ Shrugged: Some beautiful soul took a promotional video of the Atlas Robot from Boston Dynamics and added a voice-over. I call the end result One Of The Best Things Of 2016.
Go. Sit. Stay: Your OK Go Video of the Week is for “White Knuckles,” which Patriots fans don’t expect to experience. Still, it features giant cups and cute dogs, so why not?
Up To The Highest Hype: Plenty of Patriots playoff hype videos to choose from online. This one works as well as any.
Enjoy the weekend, football fans. See you next week.
Chris Warner still has trouble differentiating between buffleheads and hooded mergansers. His life is too thrilling for words. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org; Twitter: @cwarn89
We go into every season knowing that, some day, some year, another team in the AFC East will overtake the Patriots. That year was not 2016. As they have since 2009, Tom Brady and friends won the division, this year finishing atop the NFL standings with a win over a division rival. (For a fun look back, check out this video of the past eight division championship locker room celebrations, courtesy of Patriots.com.)
With a fast start and decisive finish, New England wrapped up the Dolphins on Sunday, 35-14, relegating the Miammals to sixth place in the playoffs while taking the top seed for themselves at 14-2 overall. The Patriots bolted out to a 17-0 lead after kicking a field goal on the first play of the second quarter. On their opening drive, Brady found Martellus Bennett for the tight end’s seventh touchdown of the season (career high). Brady then gave New England newbie Michael Floyd room to roam on an impressive score less than four minutes later. (You can see game highlights here.)
After the Floyd TD, the Patriots’ offense had 120 yards compared to Miami’s two. Give the Dolphins credit for a perfect, momentum-changing drive at the end of the first half where Matt Moore completed all seven passes, the last one to Landry Jones to make it 20-7. In the third, Moore found Kenny Stills open down the middle to close the lead to 20-14 and make things a little more interesting than the first quarter had forecasted.
Still, with a couple of big plays (one on offense, another on defense), New England ensured that Magic City would fail to work its voodoo on the visitors. They have also put themselves in a positive situation, playoff-wise, where they avoid the most formidable teams (Pittsburgh and Kansas City) in the divisional round and, if they beat Houston, Oakland, or Miami next Saturday night, host the AFC Championship.
Some stats worth revisiting: Brady was drafted in 2000. Since then, the Patriots have missed the playoffs three times: 2000 (rookie Brady did not play), 2002 (ended up 9-7), and 2008 (Brady injured for year, 11-5). So, New England has missed the playoffs once with Brady starting, not since the middle of George W. Bush’s first term.
Now, here’s a New Year’s resolution for Patriots fans: enjoy this while it’s happening. Instead of fretting over who’s coming to Gillette and how that team could topple the dream, stay in the moment and really think about 14-2. Think about the uncertainty surrounding the team in September as they started a backup, and then as the backup got hurt. Think about how three QBs combined to throw 32 TD passes against two interceptions this season, not a single one of those on the road (where the team went 8-0). For context, Derek Carr, a very good QB for the Raiders, threw six picks this year. Ryan Fitzpatrick, a not-very-good QB for the Jets, threw 17. Brady threw 18 interceptions in the past three regular seasons combined.
New England has a bye week. Let’s all take the time to savor it.
No Sacks On Sunday: When we give credit to Brady, who completed 76 percent of his passes (25 of 33) for 276 yards and three touchdowns, we must also commend the Fab Five in front of him. The Patriots’ offensive line did great work, holding Dolphins’ pass rushers like Cameron Wake (11.5 sacks this year) to only one hurry and zero sacks on the day. It has been a hell of a turnaround for the crew, as last year Brady was running for his life more than the cast of Tidal Wave. Add to that a consistent running game (29 for 120, 4.1 avg.) and this offense looks to be in formidable shape heading into the postseason.
Stop Signs: We have to give this defense praise for holding opponents to just over two touchdowns per game (15.6 points). You can downplay the level of competition as much as you like, but if you contrast each game vs. the Dolphins, you can see improvement. While the Pats allowed 24 points during a furious second-half Miami comeback on September 18, holding on for a 31-24 win, this past Sunday they only let up 14 points to a hot playoff team at home (Miami had won nine of their previous 10).
New England held opponents under 20 points eleven times this season (hat tip to Ryan Hannable of WEEI). Your team’s going to win a lot of games that way.
Walkin’ Round Like You’re Pretty Boy Floyd: While we should never forget why Michael Floyd was available (hint: the letters rhyme with He Who High), we can take a moment to appreciate his effort in Miami. At 3:44 of the first quarter, from the 14-yard line, Floyd caught a pass at the nine, made contact at the three, and drove through four Dolphins for six points. (Sounds like a terribly disorganized math problem.) With 6:19 left in the second quarter, Floyd had a sweet-feet sideline grab for 13 yards that set up New England’s second field goal of the day. And, of course, he peeled back to provide Julian Edelman with a horizon’s worth of daylight after a gasp-inducing block on defensive back Tony Lippett that sprung Edelman for a 77-yard score.
We can only hope that, with support, Floyd can stay on track and help himself. His obvious willingness to work may help.
It Goes To 11: Edelman had a career day, earning AFC Offensive Player of the Week honors with help from his 77-yarder (the longest TD reception of his NFL tenure), totaling eight catches for 151 yards. This makes his unsportsmanlike conduct penalty all the more frustrating. With one minute left in the first quarter, Edelman got sandwiched between two Dolphins (soo much mercury in a Dolphin sandwich), took some verbal abuse, and head-butted a Miami defender. That made a second-and-10 situation at the 24 into a second-and-25 at the 39. New England gained 17 yards (four-yard Dion Lewis run, 13-yard Chris Hogan screen), but had to settle for the field goal.
Had the Patriots scored a TD on that drive, they would have led 21-0 on three possessions after a little over one quarter. To that point, the visitors had run 23 plays to the hosts’ five, out-gaining them 152 yards to four. Not that Miami would have given up at 21-0, but the penalty seemed to let them know that they could get to New England. Holding the Pats to a field goal seemed to give them a little hope. While I understand the idea of sticking up for oneself, maybe do it via the scoreboard? Any lack of discipline – no matter how minor it may seem in retrospect – can make a big difference in the playoffs.
Blue Jay: Miami had to have success rushing to give themselves the best chance, but New England did a solid job limiting Jay Ajayi (16 rushes, 59 yards, 3.7 avg.), a relentless power runner who received plenty of pre-game praise from Coach Bill Belichick. The Pats kept Ajayi from embarking on any game-changing runs, with his longest jaunt at 11 yards. Rookie linebacker Elandon Roberts (seven tackles) deserves special mention here, flying to the ball like a ravenous ferret after a stuffed squab. As a team, the Pats held the Dolphins to 3.3 per carry.
Come On Ride The Trey: One big reason for the defense’s success has been the play of Trey Flowers, who has managed to bother opposing offenses from every position along the line. Flowers had no sacks on the day, but he spent as much time in Moore’s face as eye black, in one first-quarter play swooping past the center as part of a three-man rush to cause an incompletion. Flowers had five tackles, including two that limited Ajayi to one yard each, and two quarterback hurries.
Phillips Drive-Screwer: Credit to Miami’s Jordan Phillips for messing up New England’s plans for an easy second half. The 6-foot-6, 335-pound D-lineman/geological mass became tough to traverse in the third and fourth quarters, limiting Lewis to negative yardage on one play, following that up with a tipped pass, and forcing Pats guard Joe Thuney to hold on another drive that negated a 12-yard completion to Hogan. In a game where Ndamukong Suh garnered a lot of attention for the wrong reasons, Phillips deserved note for the right ones. (Although, as Barstool.com’s Jerry Thornton pointed out in his “Knee Jerk Reactions,” Phillips seemed to dance after every play like he was working the day shift at the Golden Banana.)
Nothing You Could Say Could Tear Me Away From My Kyle: Okay, not the best game for linebacker Kyle Van Noy. In the first quarter, running back Damien Williams ran past Van Noy down the sideline, but the pass was overthrown (largely due to the aforementioned pressure by Flowers). In the third quarter, Van Noy played a little Birds Eye defense, getting frozen in the middle of the field as Stills loped past for a touchdown catch where he was only slightly less open than the fields atop the Cliffs of Moher. Neither play overburdened fans with confidence, but I still believe in Van Noy. He’ll never be a great coverage guy, so it’s a matter of putting him into position to rush the passer and support the run, while helping out with coverage in zone schemes.
Coach Belichick put the blame on himself, saying the defensive scheme “just wasn’t presented well enough” in practice. Seems like that’s fixable. In any case, Van Noy still has some positive plays left in him.
Moore, Moore, Moore, How Do You Like It? You could see New England’s team effort in the different ways they conspired to make Moore’s job tough. Chris Long and Alan Branch tipped passes. Jabaal Sheard flushed Moore out of the pocket, hurrying him into a Logan Ryan interception. Flowers and Rob Ninkovich hit Moore on the arm like they were siblings in a three-hour Punch Buggy contest. In a game where the Patriots tallied zero sacks, the front line still helped make a difference by finding alternative ways to force incompletions.
Shea, Rattle And Roll: Timely turnovers play a huge part in scoring defense, and nothing proved timelier than Shea McClellin’s scoop-and-scuttle of safety Devin McCourty’s forced fumble on Williams. Miami had reached New England’s nine-yard line and looked poised to make it a one-score difference with nine minute left, but McClellin (three tackles) wrangled the pigskin and rambled 69 yards (the longest fumble return in Patriots history), all the way to Miami’s 18. (Williams deserves recognition for his hustle in making the tackle.) Six plays later, LeGarrette Blount sliced through the line for a one-yard, game-icing plunge. (Blount wrapped up the regular season with 1,161 yards on 299 carries and a franchise-record 18 touchdowns.) With a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it two-point conversion bubble screen to Edelman, New England led 35-14 with 5:33 left, paving the way for the backups.
See B.S.: Actually not a bad week from the Tiffany network, replay-wise, as only three missed reviews seemed to come up during the broadcast.
• At 9:48 of the second quarter, Brady appeared to miss tight end Matt Lengel across the middle, though it would have been helpful to see the play again and check on how close Lengel came to catching it.
• Malcolm Butler seemed to knock Stills out of bounds at 13:51 of the second on an incomplete pass, but it proved tough to discern from the far sideline and could have used another look-see (CBS instead went to graphics on Miami’s wacky season timeline. So fun!).
• On Edelman’s two-point conversion in the fourth quarter, Miami got called for a facemask penalty that we never saw again. The cameras isolated Chris Hogan jogging back to the sideline, so I assumed he got his mask tugged, but we didn’t get a chance to review it.
Would have liked to see that 2-point play one more time. Might come in handy at some point. (Note: upon the sixth or seventh DVR viewing, it became apparent that Lippett grabbed Edelman’s facemask in the end zone after the completion. Not a great day for Lippett chasing Edelman, it would seem.)
One incorrect call by Fouts of note. At 14:44 of the fourth, Brady threw incomplete after a rush by Suh and Wake. Fouts credited Phillips with the knockdown but we could see Wake on the replay.
And with the salty, a little sweet: kudos to CBS for their end zone camera angle on the kickoff after the two-pointer, as we could see the Patriots lose contain on the Dolphins’ left side, allowing the home team room along the sideline and a healthy return. If you get a chance to see this play, watch for special teams coach Joe Judge shaking his head afterward. An unusual, intriguing view.
Bye Product: No Patriots game this week, but you can keep up with all league happenings on WEEI’s NFL Sunday broadcast with Pete Sheppard and Christopher Price from 9 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. I don’t usually promote particular radio shows, but these two have created an entertaining, informative, and – can it be? – eminently listenable program for your Sunday mornings. Shep praises the Pats (as he would say, how can you not when they’re 14-2?), while Price puts on the brakes a bit, but both give credit and criticism where it’s due across the league. It’s important to listen to shows like this when they come along and boost ratings, otherwise Boston sports radio will end up consisting of a dub mix featuring Scott Zolak’s color-commentator outbursts leading into a live studio filled with mic’d-up bonobos fighting over a kola nut.
We feel that the bonobos represent true, passionate Boston fans, and their disagreement over the kola nut depicts how the Boston fan is willing to campaign on behalf of –
Oh, for the love of Christ.
Straight To Health: No injuries. That was the real win, right there. The team managed Bennett, linebacker Dont’a Hightower and untold others, while giving necessary rest to receivers Malcolm Mitchell and Danny Amendola, both of whom may return January 14.
Just Four More To Make Gronk Giggle: Brady has thrown touchdown passes to 65 different receivers in his career, with Floyd becoming the latest on Sunday. The NFL record holder is Vinny Testaverde with 70 different TD pass-catchers. The big contrast? Testaverde played with seven different teams (eight if you include his two separate stints with the Jets). That shows Brady’s amazing ability to run the offense and adapt to new personnel. You can read about his first 55 different TD receivers in this piece from October 2015. Brady’s been a busy man since then. (Besides Floyd, can you name the four other players who have caught Brady scores for the first time in 2016? See below.)
The Hateful Eight: Again, 8-0 playing in front of hostile crowds on the road this season. Did not see that coming back in September.
Have Another Beard: I would sign on to Pay-Per-View or any website to figure out what New England defensive coach Matt Patricia and Miami head coach Adam Gase were talking about after the game. Patricia covered his mouth as he spoke like I do after eating a palm-sized broccoli floret dipped in garlic ranch. What were they talking about that required such lengths for privacy? Did Patricia just really, really like Gase’s t-shirt? This could be a mystery even the Internet can’t solve.
Coach Bag: Speaking of Patricia, ESPN.com’s Mike Reiss does a fine job breaking down New England’s most-sought-after assistants and exec, as interviews for head coaching and GM jobs have begun following the latest post-season purge. You can read up on who’s calling whom right here.
Personally? I’d go to Jacksonville. It’s Florida, it’s quiet, you can get yourself a small outboard fishing boat and some tackle and spend your offseason contemplating life in the safety of the shallows. Plus, pretty cool uniforms, if you ignore the horrendous Thursday Night Color Rush Condiment Debacle. What’s not to love?
Suh See Snowflake: I’d bet Blount wouldn’t mind seeing Suh up in Foxboro in January. The tackle certainly makes things interesting, to put it nicely. With five minutes left in the first half, Suh got called for an encroachment penalty. The fascinating part was listening to the home crowd boo the call. This was encroachment on the defense in the same way a 40-ounce Whitman’s Sampler is a nibble of chocolate. Suh knocked center David Andrews back two yards and was lucky to avoid an unnecessary roughness call. Strange play, and a reminder that great athleticism needs a complement of football awareness to be consistently effective.
Four Score And Seven Points To Go: Bennett, Hogan, Mitchell, and Lengel have all caught TD passes from Brady for the first time this year. Floyd makes five in the 2016 Brady Club.
A Hell Of A Racquet: Even though the David Ortiz Turbotax commercial is a ripoff of this scene from Bachelor Party, it’s a lot of fun. One question, though: what the hell are those tennis balls made of? No matter how far Ortiz launches one, it wouldn’t be able to go through a windshield, would it? I need answers.
Because that’s what I want in my tax software commercials: accountability.
When The Moon Hits Your Eye Like A Cheap Pizza Pie ‘Cause It’s Frozen: The only thing that bothers me about the Walmart “Overtime” commercial is that this dude got his pizza from Walmart. I mean, the game is on TV, you’re having friends over, and you can’t spring for fresh pizza? If it’s pizza bites or pizza rolls, fine. But if you’re serving a pie, don’t you owe it to your buddies, yourself and your local merchants to bring in the real thing?
This message brought to you by my pizza snobbery.
Live And Let Die: Since “Law & Order” was canceled, Ben Affleck movies have replaced the series on my on-screen-appearance bucket list. As much as I appreciate his work, I’m not so sure about Live By Night. The trailer looks great, visually. It’s just that the dialogue and human interaction seem a little forced. Right now it’s at 35 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, so it looks like I’ll be seeing it on cable. Just don’t tell Ben. I’m hoping to play a bouncer in The Town II: Whatchoo Doin’ Back Heeah?
It Ain’t Over ‘Til It Seems To Be Over: Unintentionally funny line by Glenn Ordway on the WEEI post-game show. He seemed reluctant to discuss the game itself, focusing more on potential playoff match ups. At one point he lamented, “We can talk about the game if you want, but it seemed to be over early even though Miami got within a score.”
Even though Miami got within a score. So, then, I guess it wasn’t over early?
Because there’s no game next week, we’ll have a shorter column, focusing more on what local and national media are saying about New England, as well as the team’s opponent for the evening of Saturday, January 14. Enjoy the bye, people.
Chris Warner loves pizza, New Year’s resolutions be damned. His email is email@example.com and his twitter handle is @cwarn89.