Sports Media Musings: The Narrative Problem; Revisionist History of the Pete Carroll-Patriots Divorce; Sochi Games Unplugged

Today: In which we play a game of Three & Out while cleaning out the notebook as we head into the weekend. As always, thanks for reading. Feel free to say hello in the Twittersphere: @Hadfield__.

FIRST DOWN: The Narrative Problem

HOT SPORTS TAKES are all around Boston these days, and it’s killing my wardrobe. Yes, my wardrobe. This morning “Dennis & Callahan” teased whether Tony Gonzalez, who apparently left the door open to stave off retirement one more season to play for a Super Bowl contender, would even consider New England as a destination. The statement was so outrageous that I spit my coffee out. Now, I have a coffee stain on my shirt. Thanks a lot, Hot Sports Takes. JEEZ.

To clarify, I’m not blaming “Dennis & Callahan.” They are just following suit, I suppose. But this idea that the NFC is now impenetrable needs to stop. The Seahawks and 49ers probably beat whoever comes out of the AFC this season. I have no qualms with that assessment, but the problem here is obvious: Football happens once a week, and in between games, we develop these “irrefutable” ideas/takes about teams and players, then either whimsically flip the idea or doggedly stress its absolute truth based on the result the following week.

It’s a foolish exercise and lacks any perspective, but hey — sure, NO ONE IS BEATING SEATTLE, until the Seahawks lose, then the tide turns to IS THIS THE BLUEPRINT TO BEAT SEATTLE? Rinse and repeat, and so on and so forth. You know the drill. When the Super Bowl happens, we’re stuck on that same narrative until summer time, and forced to listen Steve Young talk about Pete Carroll like he’s a philosopher as opposed to a fucking football coach with a straight face. This is real life. This is happening.

Meanwhile: WHAT HAPPENED TO ANY GIVEN SUNDAY???

// AND PARITY??

The answer? Those things don’t exist in the offseason.

(As an aside: Yes, the Patriots are still Super Bowl favorites. There are 32 teams, and they consistently reach the conference championship game, year in and year out, 8 out of 13 seasons in the Brady-Belichick era.)

SECOND DOWN: That Mind Erasing Device From Men In Black Totally Exists

As previously mentioned, the talking heads are having a field day with Carroll, and some are questioning, or at least discussing, whether or not Bill Belichick should loosen his grip on his team. The problem is that those espousing such ideas blacked out the downside to Carroll’s approach and conveniently forget to mention that Seattle is the first true beneficiary of the CBA (Russell Wilson & Richard Sherman count for LESS THAN A MILLION dollars on Hawks’ cap). Although, I refuse to believe the talking heads would ignore facts to promulgate an idea or, GASP, agenda.

No. Never. The only explanation?

In case anyone was exposed to such a device, here’s a refresher. This is what happens when 10-6 turns into 9-7 which turns into 8-8.

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I’m happy for Carroll, I really am. But I think his success is mutually exclusive in terms of how the Patriots should conduct affairs going forward.

THIRD DOWN: The Sochi Games Are Everything Right Now

Goalies taking a trolley between rinks, toilets that don’t work, and the Russian deputy prime minister indirectly admitting that the government has surveillance cameras set up in hotel rooms. So much wrong happening here. It’s fantastic, actually.

As insane as this sounds, I want to welcome the Olympics to the way in which we discuss sports in 2014. You’re a little late to the party, but that’s OK, kegs in the back, LET’S PLAY FLIP CUP!

What am I talking about? The way we talk about sports in 2014 has very little to do with sports. Bullying, the idea of tanking, the stoooopid Hall of Fame debates, everything about the NCAA, even over-the-top postgame interviews (OMIGAWD, DID YOU HEAR WHAT RICHARD SHERMAN SAID!? THUG … ACTUALLY, IF YOU MUST KNOW, HE WENT TO STANFORD. SO THERE.). These topics are related to sports, but unrelated to watching sports. The Olympics, though, are supposed to be different – the purity of sports, which is supposedly pristine.

Instead, it turns out, the Winter Games are just the rest of the sports world. Except maybe worse, like on steroids or something, because Russia is what happens when keeping it real goes wrong. When the games start, maybe that will change, but so far, it’s emblematic of the way we consume the rest of sports.