In a game with about as much suspense as a first-grader’s knock-knock joke, New England stepped on New York early and kept the pressure on their foot, piling up both Patriots points and Jets turnovers in a 41-3 gift to Gillette fans. Or, as play-by-play announcer Ian Eagle put it at the two-minute warning, “Forty-one to three. It’s an annihilation.”
You could say this game ended three times. First, when tight end Martellus Bennett used some sugar-plum-fairy footwork to come down with Tom Brady’s first scoring pass of the day with 3:02 left in the first quarter. The Jets’ display of what they had for an offense made the Patriots’ 10-0 lead look Everest-like.
New York tried to make a go of things in the second quarter, which led to the second time this game made its end result clear. At New England’s 20-yard line with 7:40 left in the first half, with occasionally cagey, often erratic veteran Ryan Fitzpatrick taking the helm, Austin Seferian-Jenkins missed a potential scoring catch, and kicker Nick Folk followed suit by pulling a 34-yard field goal attempt wide with just under six minutes left.
The third and final down-for-the-count moment? Brady’s lovingly lofted 25-yard offering to running back James White along the right sideline that settled in White’s arms like a homesick child, making the halftime score 27-0. This TD came after the Patriots had attempted to run out the clock but were prevented by Jets coach Todd Bowles calling a timeout. After that timeout, it took one play – a pass interference call against the Jets on receiver Malcolm Mitchell – to gain 47 yards and get New England into position for the pass to White.
The Patriots play at Miami Sunday at 1 p.m. They need a win in order to secure home field advantage throughout the playoffs.
The Brady Brunch: After a tough (yet successful) outing in Denver, Brady did more than enough on Saturday to ensure a carefree Sunday for New England fans. Brady ended up hitting 17 of 27 for 214 yards, with touchdown passes to Bennett, White, and tight end Matt Lengel. Brady seemed to read the defense well and showed some serious spring in his step, making it that much more of a relief when backup Jimmy Garoppolo came in at the very end of the third quarter. It was like having to babysit a pack of five-year-old boys in the middle of an antique store, and the manager finally decided to put the expensive stuff away. Protect the merchandise.
More Than A Petty Problem: No matter what your rooting interest, you’ve got to have some empathy for Bryce Petty. As CBS noted, he was the ninth quarterback to start for the Jets since 2001. He spent last Saturday under siege like the castle in The Lord of the Rings. (That was for you, Jerry Thornton. And I’ll be damned if I can figure out the name of that castle. Minas Tirith, maybe? How do people keep track of that stuff? It’s like reading Japanese directions on how to use Merlin).
Anyway, Petty missed on all three of his pass attempts (with one interception to Malcolm Butler) before getting injured tackling Butler on a fumble return. He was replaced by old pal Fitzpatrick, who went eight for 21 for 136 yards and two interceptions. Rookie QB Christian Hackenberg had not been activated, so he got to watch this debacle from the safety of the sidelines. So, yeah, from the Jets POV, I’d classify that situation as Not Good.
Quick note: The Jets drafted Hackenberg in the second round. The Patriots drafted Jacoby Brissett in the third. Who knows what will happen with time, but right now Jets fans can’t be too happy about that choice.
Another quick note: Did you know Fitzpatrick went to Harvard? I’ll bet you did. I’ll bet you did, because announcers talk about him going to Harvard more than actual Harvard graduates talk about going to Harvard, and those Cantabs can not wait to leak that tidbit of info.
A Wrinkle In Tights By Matt “Align” Lengel: Losing Rob Gronkowski dealt a blow to New England’s offense. They’ve had to make do, and they’ve put former Bengals practice squadder Matt Lengel through the paces, lining him up as a traditional tight end, split wide, and even in the backfield (as seen on LeGarrette Blount’s TD in Denver). Lengel scored his first NFL touchdown on his first NFL pass, an 18-yard post where he got in front of the defender at the goal line. Most encouraging about the play was that, as Brady said later, it wasn’t the first option, which means Lengel took the time to get on the same page as his QB.
We can now add Lengel as number 64 to the list of players Brady has thrown a TD pass to in his career. That’s an impressive number, especially considering in October 2015 that number was 55. (Also noteworthy: Rich Hill of Patspulpit.com predicting Lengel would get a shot on the list back in November.)
The Marshall Plan: As much as the Patriots seemed to have this one in hand, they only held a 13-0 lead with less than five minutes left in the second quarter. After White couldn’t get his hands around a Brady toss that would have gone for a big gain, New England punted. Fitzpatrick (who, by the way, went to college in the Cambridge, Mass. area) went deep to Brandon Marshall but got intercepted by Eric Rowe where Rowe reached up with remarkable, Stretch-Armstrong-type extension to pick it off. Marshall, New York’s best receiver, ended up with two catches on the day (tied for the Jets lead) for 28 yards. Jets tight end Quincy Enunwa missed a few passes, one of which went off his hands and ended up in Butler’s. In fact, with his two interceptions, Butler caught as many passes from Jets QBs as any New York receiver.
In just over two minutes from Rowe’s INT, Brady found Lengel. A little over two minutes after that, Brady lofted that aforementioned beauty to White, putting the home team in front, 27-0.
The Jets suffered from a dire mix of bad day, good defense. With their QB situation, that might end up as their slogan for this year and beyond.
I’m Just A Bilal: You can argue that the Jets have quit for the season, but don’t tell running back Bilal Powell that. Powell rushed for 60 yards on 15 carries, a nifty 4.0-yard average where he was fighting for every foot like Rex Ryan at a fetishist auction. (Oof. Too soon.) Not easy to keep up that effort when your team is going down the toilet faster than my siblings’ toothbrushes when I was little. (What can I say? I thought it was funny.) When your team goes 4-11, you can go one of three ways: you can want to win and try your damnedest to make it happen, you can want to win but not put forth enough effort, or you can stop caring altogether. Put Powell in that first group.
Just A Sheldon Of Himself: With Powell as a notable exception, it must drive New York fans absolutely looney that their team has so much talent that seems to show up sporadically. The Jets did a solid job limiting the Patriots to 116 yards on 37 carries (not including Garoppolo’s kneel downs). That’s a mere 3.1 yards per tote, but with little pass rush and no turnovers, the Jets were doomed.
Defensive tackle Sheldon Richardson demonstrated his ability at 11:50 of the first quarter, when he threw down Blount like he was a big bag of leaves that Richardson’s mother had been nagging him to toss out for the previous hour-and-a-half. Richardson only used his left arm on the play, a testament to his strength and ability. The Jets’ first-rounder ended up with eight tackles on the day but didn’t make enough splash plays to keep this competitive. He was not alone.
Elandon Zone: If you play linebacker and a former Patriot who played the same position describes you as a “bouncing ball of butcher knives,” you can take that as a compliment. (And thank you, Matt Chatham.) Elandon Roberts ended up with 11 tackles and forced a fumble by Khiry Robinson with a head butt on the football that would have made this YouTube video montage. Roberts, who’s only a little bigger than a strong safety (5-11, 234), stepped in for injured and resting Dont’a Hightower to help stop the run. New York averaged 3.8 yards a carry, not enough to make a difference in this one.
An In-Nate Sense: Last week, Patriots special teams ace Matthew Slater was named a Pro Bowler. Before that result was announced, Slater said that Nate Ebner should be considered for the honor, and, in Slater’s absence, Ebner proved his point. He seemed to make every tackle on punts and kickoffs, and he probably knocked over a couple of random sideline people wearing Jets gear for good measure. Not every coach pays as close attention to special teams as Bill Belichick does. We saw it in the drafting of Slater in the fifth round in 2008, the drafting of Ebner in the sixth round in 2012, and long snapper Joe Cardona in the fifth last year. This attention to detail ensures that, even without their most-ballyhooed special teamer, the Patriots continue to do well in that area.
Wet Your Appetite: Just a quick mention that, besides the White drop, New England receivers did a notable job hanging on to the ball in adverse conditions. While Jets receivers muffed passes and, in the case of “Tip Drill” Enunwa, lofted up footballs for the opposition, the Patriots tended to take care of the ball. Commendable during a first half where it seemed like Noah might be gathering livestock.
Look! Up In The Sky! My favorite fact of the entire Saturday broadcast was that Petty, a product of Baylor and Midlothian (Texas) High, had never played in the rain before. Putting him up against a hungry defense and a hostile crowd in weather that felt like someone had opened up a fire hydrant may not have been the way to go.
Can’t Be Seen: Oh, CBS. Last week, I spelled out some of the replays I would have liked to see for the Denver game. That continues this week, beginning with the very first offensive play of the day.
• On the Jets’ (and the game’s) first offensive play, linebacker Shea McClellin did a tremendous job of stringing out the run, backing up guard Dozier Dakota and pushing through the attempted double-team of tight end Eric Tomlinson to keep Powell contained until help arrived in the form of Trey Flowers and Rowe. McClellin showed great technique and surprising strength on the play, which was worth a second (and possibly third) look, but instead CBS went to their starting lineup graphics. I disagree with this choice.
• With 30 seconds left in the first quarter, a Patriots blitz led to a Petty incompletion. McClellin stood at the line pre-snap, hesitated, then sprinted toward the QB, hitting him as he released the football. Was the linebacker in coverage and freed up when the running back stayed in to block? Was the pause planned, or reactive? A replay may have clarified that.
By the way, that McClellin had a pretty darn good game, didn’t he? Only two tackles in the books, but the dude showed up on film.
• On the last play of the first quarter, fullback James Develin cut-blocked linebacker Jordan Jenkins, springing Dion Lewis outside for five yards. Not a big play, but the block was so devastating it was worth reviewing. Develin got hurt in 2015 and he has made sure to prove himself as the difference-maker in the run game this year.
• Near the top of the second quarter, Brady attempted a long third-down pass along the left (Jets’) sideline to Julian Edelman that went incomplete. Edelman ended up amongst Jets players and coaches and even had a heated verbal exchange with a couple of their personnel. (You can see that conflict here for as long as it’s online.) Was he interfered with on the play? Impossible to tell without a second view, but viewers at home could actually hear the Gillette crowd reacting unfavorably to the in-stadium replay that CBS didn’t show in its broadcast.
• No replay of this – and for good reason – but Edelman dropped a crystalline F-bomb at 0:21 of the first. After last week’s bout of enthusiastic word play, you’d think the folks running CBS’ boom mics would be a little more shy.
Off-The-Cliff Notes: If you want a summary of the Jets’ season, review the 3:09 mark of the third quarter. New England scored on a Blount TD (his 16th of the season and first of two on the day) to go up 34-0. They kicked off to Nick Marshall, who returned it to the 27. Fine, right? But no. Coach Bowles saw that the Patriots had gone offside, so he figured he’d make them kick again. Pats re-kick, Marshall muffs the catch at the 13 and recovers at the 14. The Jets lose 13 yards.
But that’s not all! New York gets a false start penalty on, and I quote, “Everyone but the center.” Minus-five yards, back to the nine. Fitzpatrick gets intercepted near midfield by Butler a couple of minutes later.
That’s All, Folk: I’m not even going to talk about Bowles sending Nick Folk out for a 29-yard field goal with 6:20 left. Like a precocious kindergartner, that speaks for itself.
On to some TV stuff…
I’m Sure Nothing Bad Will Happen: Let’s have a game show where regular people act like fugitives and get tracked by world-renowned experts. We’ll call it “Hunted.” Because there isn’t enough craziness in our everyday life without random people appearing to be wanted by authorities skulking about our cities and towns. Definitely none of these contestants will get assaulted and detained by people just trying to help.
I have an idea for a reality show: “Let’s Rob A Bodega!” Contestants wear ski masks and hold up a family-owned convenience store, waving knives and screaming as they do so. Here’s the kicker: the store owners don’t even know it’s fake!
Near, Fur, Wherever You Are: I might have remembered this wrong, but at any point was Ford’s slogan “Go Farther?” Now it’s “Go Further,” which may or may not be grammatically correct, but I have a distinct memory of the former. I recall it because the commercial spelled out the phrase in large letters that flashed across the screen, and at one point it spelled “G-O F-A-R-T.” If this is true, and they did change it, I would have loved to have been at the follow-up meeting amongst the ad execs.
“‘Go fart her?’ What the hell, Gary?”
Does anyone else know what I’m talking about, or am I alone on a park bench in my 20s babbling to myself again? (The 90s were pretty rough on me.)
Strike One: Watching the ad for Mobile Strike starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, I couldn’t help but wonder something that has been on many people’s minds for a while. Why doesn’t Arnold sound a lot more Californian at this point? It seems like it would be second nature by now.
When I was a senior in college, we went on spring break and met a fun group of women from the University of Kentucky. With their calls of “Yew Kay, weh-hew!” and knack for partying, we all had a fun time. Turned out, two of those women were from Swampscott. Apparently it had only taken a couple of weeks in the Bluegrass State for these Big Blue alums to sound like they were auditioning for “Hee Haw.”
But old Arnie manages to keep his accent about as smooth as a wagon ride over cobblestones. At this point, I have to admire it.
Lullabye And Goodnight, By German Composer Johannes Brahms, 1868: One comment about the Google ad where the father reads a bedtime story and his daughter keeps interrupting with questions only tangential to the tale. Although admittedly adorable, that kid needs to shut the hell up and listen to the god damn story. Seriously, does she have to know every single semi-related nature fact, or hear a whale song at that point? As a society, do we need to know everything right now?
I guess we do. But we probably need to listen a little more.
Well, They Will Be Playing In Mexico Next Year: If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally typed “Patritos,” I’d have enough nickels to run out of metaphors.
OK Go Ahead: Your OK Go video of the week is for “The Writing’s On The Wall,” a tromp l’oeil treat you’ll probably want to watch more than once.
An Appropriately Sad End Note To 2016: Just found out Carrie Fisher passed away. Actor, writer, and one hell of an interview. RIP.
What say we all try to have a Happy New Year, everyone? Be careful, watch out for others, and seek a wonderful 2017.
Chris Warner has a resolution to just, please, please, for the love of God, stop eating holiday cookies. His email is firstname.lastname@example.org and he tweets from @cwarn89.