A lengthy investigation which included interviews with dozens of people involved with the Boston sports media reveals that powerful organization actually controls the content which is disseminated through the various media outlets within New England.
This organization (also described variously as a “cartel” or “lodge”) uses fear, intimidation, threats, coercion and blackmail on various members of the local media in order to get them to say things that are so outrageous and dumb that no person in their right mind would spout them of their own volition.
Those we spoke to did so only on assurances of anonymity, and several were observed casting furtive glances around the room while being interviewed, as if fearing immediate reprisal.
The tales these poor souls tell reveals much about the inner conflict they feel at being used in this manner. One veteran writer, who covers the NFL and Boxing, and who has worked at both daily papers in town, said, haltingly, “Bill Belichick is a great guy. What he’s accomplished here in New England is unmatched. He’s the greatest coach of all time, and a greater man. But am I allowed to say that? No. See what happened to me at the Gl*be? I was about to come clean, and they ruined me. Now I’m here working at this tabloid, and they still control me.”
Others tell similar tales. One sports radio host, who appears on a morning show in town, was reluctant to speak to BSMW. “Look, I get it. OK? People think I’m a complete jerk. That’s fine. They don’t know what’s been done to me. Erin Andrews is a lovely, talented young lady, David Ortiz is a first ballot Hall of Famer.” Even as he was speaking, this normally confident man was scanning the room nervously. “You think I don’t know how stupid those things sounded when I said them? You think I wanted to say those things?” He appeared on the verge of tears.
An evening television host has also been targeted. “People who know me, know that I am the least confrontational guy they have met. My friends make fun of me for being milquetoast. I don’t have strong opinions about anything. ” So why is this man known for making a fool of himself on a regular basis on TV and the internet? “I don’t have a choice. Those people, they’re powerful. I thought I was a Volkswagen Cabriolet guy, they made me be a truck guy. My family, I’ll do anything to keep them safe, even saying I believe Chris Mortensen over Ian Rapoport. I lost my jobs doing Celtics and Patriots broadcasts, and a daily radio gig, but because I’ve been loyal, they hooked me up with this gig. I for one, welcome our new media overlords.”
Another radio host isn’t so appreciative of what the organization has done for him. “Yeah, I’ve got the sidekick gig on the highest rated sports show in the market, but at what price? It’s SUCKS. I have to kowtow to this Purell freak? Oh you’re absolutely right, M*ke! It makes me sick. I HATE it. I’m a nice guy! Ask Ch*d F*nn! But you know, they’ve got me. They’ve got me by the balls. If I were to go off script, I don’t know what would happen.” His partner on the show, who gets to play the dominant role in the relationship, isn’t too fond of the cartel either. “You think I want to come on every day and call Robert Kraft cheap, and make assertions about his budget? MY FATHER IS JEWISH! It makes no sense. They’ve got me saying that the New York freakin’ Jets passed the Patriots? The Jets? The Cap is Crap? I have to antagonize fans of the greatest franchise the NBA has ever known? How idiotic must I sound? But they promised that S*ra and my girls would be safe. That’s all I care about.”
Who is this evil group? While no one would confirm on the record, whispers say they are known as H.O.S.T.S, which is apparently a contraction of HOt Sportz TakeS and the leader of this organization is a man known as Blohard. The aim of the organization appears to be singular. Destroy any enjoyment that Boston fans may have about the success of their teams. Nine championships in thirteen years? How could fans possibly be made miserable in the midst of that run? It speaks to the power of H.O.S.T.S. that there are indeed people around the city of Boston who are unhappy with their teams and complain about them daily.
The Sports editor of the paper of record in Boston, the Gl*be, confided that he too, is weary of the control that H.O.S.T.S. wield over he and his department. “D*n Sh*ughnessy isn’t brave. He’s the biggest coward and hypocrite I’ve ever encountered. Yet, I have to sit here and sing his praises? I’m ashamed. They make me crank out this blog on college basketball which no one reads. I have to hire incompetent fools to cover the biggest sport in the country right now, and take endless shots at the best coach this region has seen since Red Auerbach. They make me look petty, and I hate that. I’m forced to waste the talents of B*b Ry*an by assigning him week after to week to write about how football is barbaric. K*vin P*ul D*pont writes gibberish. It’s embarrassing.”
The accounts are endless. One TV reporter recalls being threatened severely if he didn’t ask Bill Belichick if he was evaluating the quarterback position following an early-season loss. The press conference clip is now shown on all videos and accounts celebrating the team after they won the Super Bowl and the quarterback in question was named MVP. A radio host ruefully laments that he was seemingly only brought here to talk about Spygate. A once-great basketball writer and columnist is now relegated to writing hit pieces on the local ESPN affiliate. None of them are happy with their fates.
What’s next for H.O.S.T.S.? It seems they’ve got the future covered. Cleverly nicknaming them the “Felger Youth” this next generation of sports talk radio hosts and writers are fully indoctrinated into the program. They have been programmed to endlessly repeat what has been spouted on the most popular show in the region. These unfortunate youths have been brainwashed into thinking they are being provocative and edgy, when in fact, they just sound like entitled idiots.
Is there an end in sight? The claws of H.O.S.T.S. show no signs of withdrawing. Blohard reigns and seeks complete domination of the Boston sports media.